It hurts so bloody much.  For two weeks to be made to feel like Fred Astaire.  To have hopes, even dreams for a life less lonely ... for an existence less futile.

Then to be told in no uncertain terms that you can never be more than "just friends".

It hurts so much, to want something so bad, something you can never have.

PS Sorry to be heavy.

It happened to me, once.  After that my heart turned to stone and I became an emotionally tortured misanthrope, observing humanity through a lens of spite and anger, ever eagerly planning my revenge on them all.

But I'm sure you'll get through it just fine.

Well, see, it all worked out in the end huh?

Even from our limited interaction around here, it's easy to realize you're a warm, caring and honest person, with your heart in the right place. If someone can't see that, even in front of you, it's their loss. In time, I am sure you will find the right person, the one you truly deserve to be with, so don't mourn too much on this, and get ready soon to take the next step in your journey. For what it's worth, over here you'll always have your faceless, good-for-nothing e-buddies to give you a virtual hug, and to raise a virtual mug of beer with, to make the pain just a little easier to bear with, and give you a bit more strenght to carry on with the next day. I know it's not much, but we truly care about you.

Yeah, steel is right...group hug from us all.

phantom_leo said:

...and I'll even leave my clothes on!

Oh, what the hell, take it off.  Big, sweaty, naked men hug from us all, Bugs.

Hang in there, Bugs.

Take care.

Thank you guys so much.  This means a lot to me.  Aspro, Yoda, Steel, Leo, Travo, Vader, Ask, Foolz thank you from the depths of my shattered and black heart.

Steel thank you for your kind and endearing words.  It's hard at this time to feel as anything other than a worthless piece of shit after bearing one's soul completely and offering all I had, and being rejected like that.  It wasn't so much that I was actively lead on, as much as being left to hope (perhaps out of pity).  It's not a case of a broken ego, which will heal in time, as I try to keep those feelings in check.  It's the loving and losing, or better in my case, the loving and not being able to have ... ever.  The knowing that my feelings will never be reciprocated but will never cease or change.

Aspro I am an emotionally tortured misanthrope as well, and a cynical bastard 99% of the time and that is another reason why this knocked me for six.

Once again thank you all for your support.  Your words are giving me strength to face another day in the world (even though right now i'd rather die).  Hope I can maintain my composure at work.  Crying in front of a class of students is not a humiliation I can live with.