Now that my university roommate has gone home for the summer and I will probably never see him again, and I'm sitting here in a 90% empty dorm room waiting for my family to arrive and lug all my crap home, I thought it would be a good time to discuss all the things he has done throughout the past schoolyear to annoy me....

So I had a roommate. I made a small effort to start talking to him at the start of the semester but didn't get much feedback, so we just didn't talk. We'd say hi if we pass each other in the halls, but as of late we just stopped acknowledging each other's existance entirely. I take solace in the fact that he is studying teaching, but will never have the social skills to be successful at the job.

- He studders and whines on the phone like a whiny **** for hours each night.

- He breathes REAL LOUD, even when he's just sitting there. Like, this kid is gonna have a coronary at any minute. I don't breathe as loud as he does even after I've walked up 4 flights of stairs. Imagine Darth Vader but natural. Like he's wearing a snorkel all the time or something.

- Water all over the bathroom counter whenever he washes his hands. Not a few sprinkles, I mean puddles. I don't know how he gets SO MUCH water on the counter, I tried purposefully dumping a handful of water and it didn't create nearly as much.

- Little toilet paper joints everywhere, I don't know how these even get created.. they are little rolled up pieces of toilet paper and scraps of toilet paper. Like 5 will build up in a week between me cleaning. Is he too fat to bend over and pick these up?

- Randomly leaves cupboard doors hanging wide open. GOD DAMMIT IS IT THAT HARD TO CLOSE THEM?

- I am the only one that cleans. He has taken the garbage out like 5 times this year including when he left last night, I clean the toilet and whole bathroom every single week and swiffer the floors (because an enormous amount of dust builds up over the course of a week with the vents constantly blowing in.)

THE "WTF" OCD STUFF 
- This kid had 3 or 4 rolls of toilet paper on the go at once. There were 2 almost-gone toilet paper rolls that just sat under the sink for months, I dunno if he's too fat to reach them or what the deal is. 
- HE WOULD GO THROUGH A DOZEN ROLLS A WEEK. Not an overstatement. I don't know how. I will empty the garbage and go to sleep and it's empty, the next morning there are 4 empty rolls in the trash. 
- He has 2 or 3 bottles of water on the go at any given time in the side of the fridge door. Max I've seen was 5 opened bottles at once. And he doesn't just take it and just drink it in his room like a normal person. He will take it out of the fridge, take one drink, and put it back.
- This pattern carried over into other stuff, like having 2 shampoo bottles and starting a new one while the old one still has a little bit left.
- He had an energy drink can that the bookstore gave out free to everyone the first week of September. He finally drank it last night right before he left.
- I don't know if he doesn't sleep, or sleeps with the light on, or only sleeps a few hours in the afternoon. I'll go to bed at like 2 am and his light is still on, wake up early at 7 to do my laundry and i still see the light under his door. Then some nights the light is off so WTF.
- He doesn't shower at a normal time like morning/night, he will shower at random times like 5 pm. I always hear the toilet flush while the showeris running, always.


I guess it could have been worse, having a loud drunken roommate that had people over all the time and played loud music late at night. Maybe I am the one who is neurotic for taking note of all this subtle behaviour.

I don't use nearly as much TP as this guy. I use baby wipes. I have a delicate ass.

Considering I was naked 99.999998% of the time when I was in my dorm, I didn't see much of my roommates!

* Giga. Must. Die! *

They saw a whole lot of me, though!  

     SteelAttack said:

     I have a delicate ass.

Still? I do apologize for that!

I slept with my door closed and locked specifically to avoid getting killed in my sleep. Which reminds me that I forgot one more thing....

During winter, there were a few weeks where we were having thermostat wars. We didn't talk to each other like I said, so we were just silently fighting for control of the thermostat. One night I probably got up like 5 or 6 times. I'd turn the thermostat down to like 15 degrees and go to bed. Then he'd crank it back up to 20 degrees.

The only problem is:
- The thermostat/heat sensor is outside of our rooms
- The only air vents are in our rooms
- We both sleep with our doors closed

Thus any time the heat kicks in while both doors are closed, it gets trapped in your room, creating a deadly sauna. So when the thermostat says 20, it's really like 35 in your room. And I'm always hot to begin with.

Anyway I kept waking up every 2 hours in a hot sweat and completely dried out mouth every time he adjusted the thermostat again, and finally just ended up sleeping naked, the one time I left my door open, with only one thin sheet on me... and maybe the window open as well. Oh yeah and there was snow outside, and when I opened the window it was like a jet exhaust blowing out, and all the snow on the ledge outside of the window would just melt to water within minutes haha.

I could actually tell by how the air smelled if the heat had turned on or not. Weird.

Spooning.

More like shanking.