Lets get the hype train moving, in one week the season to end all seasons begins. The only reason you have been watching this show has been to reach this season. I can’t speak for the show but from the Red Wedding on, Sword of Storms had more HOLY FUCKING SHIT! moments than the first two books combined. It is the most exciting book I have ever read.

Here we go, strap in and get ready cause this season is the payoff.

Now a little recap, when we last left GoT you non book readers were crying like little babies over the red wedding. Deal with it, its war, people die. You had a whole year to get over the shock of it, now its time to see the aftershocks of that seismic event.

When we last left off this shitty family practically ended the war by getting an old cranky dude that manages a river (and has a gigantic family with like 100 grandkids) to murder Robb Starks and his army. Tywin masterminded it all and now all he has to worry about is Stannis and the Greyjoys before the Lannisters have complete control of the Iron Throne. For their cooperation Walder Frey and Roose Bolton both get to be lords of the north.

His demon grandkid, Joeffry is about to be married to a crown chasing whore

Margery Tyrell, who’s family runs a huge chunk of the south, they like power too.

Lets not forget that fuckface Joffery is the son of brother and sister Cersei and Jamie Lannister (oh and there are two other kids, don’t forget Tommen and Myrcella). Jamie just arrived back at King’s Landing without a hand and wanting that sister pussy. Cersei remains as bitchy as always. Tyrion is married to poor Sansa and refuses to impregnate her cause he actually has a heart.

Arya, clearly the most badass of all the Starks, barely escaped with the Hound from the Freys. She later discovers a Frey man on the road and brutally murdering him, even the Hound was like holy shit this girl is nuts. Also it seems her uncle Bryden “Blackfish” Tully survived the red wedding and escaped back to his castle.

Meanwhile Stannis Baratheon hears the news of Robb’s death and is thrilled. He believe his red witch Melisandre is the reason why Robb Stark is dead so she now wants to burn Gendry (who is the son of Robert) as a sacrifice to the fire gods to make sure they do win the war. Enter Davos

Who frees Gendry and saves his ass from being executed because he just learned how to read from a cute deformed girl. He reads a letter than comes from the Wall asking anyone for help. Since Stannis believe he is the chosen warrior of light by the god R’ hllor he feels defending Westeros from the evil ice zombie monsters is his true calling.

Meanwhile at the wall

Jon snow betrayed the north men and Ygritte, she in turn shot arrows at him. Snow arrived at the wall almost dead. Sam just arrived after helping super powered Bran and company to get beyond the wall so they could find the three eyed crow (or whatever the fuck it is in the show). Sam arrived with a hot north chick, Gilly who is carrying her new baby.

This shithead, Theon, has been tortured all last season by Ramsay Bolton, the son of the fucktard who betrayed Robb Stark, Roose Bolton. The Bolton family gives the Lannisters a run for their money as worst family ever.  Ramsay cut Theon’s penis off and mailed it to his father Balon, king of the Iron Islands who also is messing around in the war though his involvement is more like an independent running for president, he is there but no one gives a shit. The sister who they changed her name for some strange reason wants to rescue her brother Theon so she takes her ships and goes off to Castle Dreadfort where he is held.  We last see Ramsay tell Theon that he is no longer Theon, he is now REEK.

Finally there is beautiful Daenery’s Targaryen and her pet dragons on the other side of the world

They are currently freeing Yunkai. She has begun a quest to end slavery in a place known as Slaver’s bay, good luck with that. So the slaves of Yunkai are all freed and now want to follow Dany and her army where ever she goes.

Oops almost forgot the two wildcards Varys and Littlefinger.

Varys has been trying to get Shae to leave Tyrion so that they don’t complicate the Sansa marriage. Varys claims everything he does is for the good of the realm. Littlefinger has just been granted the lord of harrenhal and he will marry Lysa Stark (Catelyn’s batshit crazy sister) and become the head of the vale as well. He wants Sansa to come with him as well but that whole plan got foiled by Varys who’s plan in turned got foiled by littlefiger which ended up with a whore being killed by Joffery and Tyrion marring Sansa.

Oh lets not forget there is some dude running around the woods, Beric Dondarrion, with a band of brothers who comes back to life a bunch of times by the power of a red priest of R’hllor.

Last but not least there is winter and the coming army of undead from the north that is supposed to bring ruin to all of westeros…one day.

My absolute favorite moment in the books is coming and it has do with shit.

I've heard a lot of nicknames for boobs, but Dragons is a new one.

PS4 is like Denayrys, every bitch in the world bowing at the sight of her. Wii U is like the Starks, led into a jovial event only to be stabbed to death by everyone. I don't know what X1 is like. Stannis?

travo said:

It's like Theon.  It got it wang cut off before it could make its mark.

I could agree with that.

Seven Lines that Would Have Completely Changed Game of Thrones

It is for the purpose of comedy and a lot of them are really funny.

Honest Trailers Game of Thrones Seasons 1 - 3

~~HBO Renews Game of Thrones for Two More Seasons of Shenanigans

http://www.beyondhollywood.com/hbo-renews-game-of-thrones-for-two-more-seasons-of-shenanigans/

bugsonglass said:

Season 4 Episode 2 is a real crowd pleaser.  We knew the moment would come ... but I didn't expect it so soon.

Now what?

Shit goes down.