SteelAttack said:

Foolz I need to get better at Dota. What should I do?

I was going to suggest that you go to a third world country such as Thailand or the Philippines where the game is played religiously because it's free and runs on 486s, but then I remembered you already live in Mexico. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's nothing you can do to improve. In any endeavour in life, there have to be bottom feeders somewhere. You are medical doctor extrordinaire, but a complete failure in DOTA2. If we were to take DOTA2 as the medical profession, you would be Dr. Nick. But that's okay. There has to be bad, so there can be good.

But there is some hope for you! You can force your daughters to play DOTA2, enforcing a strict training regime that they must adhere to at all costs, and live vicariously through the achievements of your children as they act out the dreams of DOTA2 success that you had when you were their age, but couldn't achieve due to not having a cruel, ruthless parent who forced you to play DOTA2 for 8 hours on weekdays, and 12 on weekends.

SteelAttack said:

Thanks to Foolz now I have two daughters that hate me almost as much as they hate Dota!

You should get your own TV show.

Or at least an agony aunt column.

Dear, Foolz. I don't think there are enough TV shows with female nudity in them. Can you help?

Dear Foolz

I have been toying with the idea of being a deejay for many years.  Over the last four years or so I have been doing some gigs mostly on an amateur level (or semi-pro if one considers "you can eat and drink whatever you like on the house" a form of payment).  My set-up has primarily been my pair of SL1200 decks and my cheap Numark mixer.

Now a few things have happened recently and I had a handful of fairly well-received gigs which has encouraged me to try and take this to the next level (I'm not quitting my dayjob - I will just be more active in getting more gigs).  Now the problem is that I can no longer rely solely on vinyl because price and availability (or lack thereof) are prohibitive.  So while I will keep investing in vinyl, and I will always use my decks to the extend that I can, I will need a supplementary.

So I am presented with a dilemma.  I will either have to invest in a pair of CDJs (and possibly a better mixer).  Or I will have to go the laptop DJ route and get some software like Serato/Traktor/Ableton Live and a kind of all-in-one digital controller (and a decent laptop that I can depend on for running it without lapses).

CDJs are very intuitive for me because you have all the same basic principles as with turntable mixing.  And I have also worked with them before on a few occasions and found it very easy to adapt to them.  Now the price for a pair would range from around 1300 euro for the low range Pioneer ones to anything up to 2500 for the industry standard Pioneer ones (I would be looking at the cheapest option most probably).  You would probably have to add to that the price for a new mixer (although this could come at a later stage and I could start with my existing mixer).  

DDJs and a laptop are still a mystery to me.  I have no experience with any of that and I have a slight aversion to learning new and complicated (or at least complicated looking) applications.  Also the price of a good laptop + the software package + a decent DDJ could be anything up to 2500 or possibly more (I haven't seriously looked into it yet).  The cons are that I would have to invest time in learning to work with this set-up (i'm thinking considerably more time than with the alternative), and that the price could be even higher than the alternative.  Why am I considering it?  I guess if done properly I'm thinking it would offer me more and wider options and possibly even ease the gap between mixing and producing (though this could be a bullshit notion).  It's also the route most people seem to be going nowadays (but that's not going to factor into my decision at all).

I would like for you to help solve this problem for me   Please!

Dr. Foolz,

I produce and am co-host of a popular podcast about gaming, but can't get North Americans to make guest appearances (or even listen to it).  How can I include more nudity in a aural form to get their attention?  I've tried holding my wang up to the mic during the podcast, but not even you noticed.

aspro said:

Dr. Foolz,

I produce and am co-host of a popular podcast about gaming, but can't get North Americans to make guest appearances (or even listen to it).  How can I include more nudity in a aural form to get their attention?  I've tried holding my wang up to the mic during the podcast, but not even you noticed.

You don't have to BE nude, you just have to talk about being nude. "Welcome to the podcast, I have my cock in my hand and a thong up my buttcheeks."

aspro said:

I've tried holding my wang up to the mic during the podcast, but not even you noticed.

**The saddest thing about this is they now produce this podcast, side-by-side in the same sound studio.**

First of all, I would like to advise against following the suggestions made by the two-bit armchair amateurs above. Their advice is not only redundant, but potentially dangerous. Take, for example, gamingeek's suggestion made towards Aspro: if Aspro was to follow such advice then instead of reaching out to an American audience as he intended, his major appeal would be to those searching for erotic content. While this may appear to be his intention, the subject of his podcast is not of a sexually explicit nature. Such a stylistic change would change his podcast on a fundamental level. Now, if gamingeek had also suggested that while reciting erotic literature he showed footage of videogames, his suggestion may have had some validity to it; but due to his inexperience in sageism, his suggestion is useless.

Dear Bugsy,

It appears that you have already done a great deal of research into the matter yourself. As you are an amateur, I would advise against doing this in the future. I cannot stress this point enough, but if you want to successfully navigate life, it is very important that you do not think for yourself: instead come immediately to Dr. Foolz for advice.

Now, as to the problem that you have presented me with. By your calculation, the price difference between a CDJ and new mixer and a laptop plus all the necessary software and hardware for digital vinyl emulation is not much, if anything at all. This means that you can remove one point of difference (price) and consider both options on their merits alone. Of course, you could also probably buy a Serato deck without software at a lower price than with, and pirate the software as well as any other required VSTs and DAWs. In fact, even if you do plan to pay for such software, Dr. Foolz suggests pirating any DAWs or VSTs before making the plunge to make sure that they fit with your work flow.

As to the pros and cons when comparing CDJs and vinyl emulation, Dr. Foolz speculates that Serato is supposed to be similar to using actual vinyl; it even has a fake vinyl disc which you manipulate! This means that although you have little experience with vinyl emulation, learning to use a set such as Serato would presumably be just as intuitive as using a CDJ. Obviously this presents us with something of a problem. If price is not a differentiating point, and nor is ease of use, then what is?

This leaves you with two options: go to the few musical equipment stores in Cyprus that are yet to be looted and try out Serato or the like for yourself, moving from store to store so that you can build up hours of experience which may be compared directly to what you already know of CDJs.

Or, stop being a pussy and earn vinyl emulation. After years of pain from carrying multiple turntables, mixers and milk crates of vinyl records from bar to bar, your back will be so severely damaged and deformed that you will become too stiff to DJ at all; thus saving you the money you would have spent on CDJs or vinyl emulation, which you now need desperately for a walking frame anyway.

Dear Aspro,

My first thought was that you change your podcast's name to The Press Room Podcast, and then upload it to www.thevgpress.com. However, upon further consideration, I realised that such a change would yield no more American listeners of the nature that you are after. Therefore there is only one logical solution: before every episode of your podcast film yourself in an erotic nature, and upload it to a video hosting site that allows for password protection. During the podcast embed the password at a different point in every episode so that those who wish you access the erotic video are forced to listen to the podcast. Guests can receive allowances: instant access to this week’s video for their contribution. This plan of action allows you to achieve all your goals without changing your podcast's content or even format.