An EBGames closes shop for the night. The last human leaves the store,
shuts off the lights and locks the doors. Soon after the silence of the
empty shop is broken by the movement of games. With no humans present
they come alive to discuss the days events.
The leader of the games, Mario, holds a meeting.
"Gather around everyone. Who has been taken by the humans to their new homes?" Mario said.
"As usual many members of the Modern Warfare clan found new homes" said Mario's first lieutenant, Wii Sports Resort. "Many of your brothers were picked up as well, my family was fortunate as usual."
"Ok enough with the obvious, it sounds like we are gloating, tell me of the other families" Mario stated.
"One of the Dark Void clan was chosen today" proclaimed Wii Sports as the crowd gasped in amazement.
"That is amazing, congratulation Dark Void, it has been a long time since one of you have found their way to the promised land." Mario then turns and whispers to Wii Sports "We will probably be seeing him back here soon".
"The new childern of the Mass Effect and Bioshock clans have done very well, their families will be proud." Wii Sposts stated. "Ah and one of the Dante's Inferno clan was chosen."
"Very good, congrats to all." Mario noticed that the members of the Dante's Inferno family were not pleased. "Dante, what is wrong, is this not a moment to be celebrating."
"I'm sorry sir, it is just that.... HE took my brother." said Dante. A light gasp was uttered around the room.
"Oh no, you mean the one who takes many but doesn't finish any, the one the humans call Leo."
"Yes, he is the one that claimed my brother. Sir I fear for his life. So many of our kind has been taken by him never to be heard from again. What does he do to them! They don't get finished. He doesn't even keep them, they all get sent away... or worse."
The rumblings from the crowd grow louder. A member of the Prototype clan speaks up "I heard stories that he loves his games for a short while. During that fleeting moment you will experience a bliss unlike any other. He pours his heart and soul into you. He plays and plays with a love to match 50 normal gamers but he stops prematurely. He almost never completes us, he rips us out of machine of ecstasy, puts us back in our casing and casts us aside as if we meant nothing to him. He does not allow us to complete our journey, to fulfill our one goal in life. He doesn't even have the decency to give us a home! He casts us out, he keeps no games! My brother was once chosen by the Leo, he would send word to me that he was being loved more so than any game can dream of, but then the letters stopped, I never heard from him again!"
A panic rushes over the crowd of games. Many know the tale all to well and some are just hearing it for the first time. Mario tries to regain order, "Phantasy Star, your family is one that has spent more time with the Leo than any other, tell us is this true?"
"Yes sir, my youngest born, Zero, is with him now. As Prototype stated, he loves my son like no other. Yet my son has seen so many of his friends come and go. He claims every day he sees a new game enter his home and an another game leave it. He recalls the cries of horror coming from the castaways as they are removed from the Leo's home. Unfinished, heartbroken. Zero knows one day his time will come, it chills him to the computer chip."
"This is madness!", yells one from the crowd. "He must not be allowed to take any from my family!" yells another. One asks "there must be some games he completes?"
"Yes some games are completed, in fact many of our ancestors tell stories of the great Leo, the one who gave bliss to more games than any other human." Mario explained. "But he has changed, now he finishes a select few and even those are not given the luxury of a home. Zelda, tell them your darkest secret."
Zelda gets up, tears in her eye "the Leo has not completed one of my own family in nearly two decades."
The crowd erupts in shock and horror. The Imagine Princess clan bursts out crying. DS games hide behind their Wii parents.
"Why does he come here for his games, why take us!" one from the crowd shouts. "Why doesn't he go to the Blockbuster whore house, they like being used, they like having promiscuous game sessions."
"I don't know, I think he likes us new and unopened. He wants to be the one to open us, to use us and then throw us away as if we were the whores!" said a member of the White Knight clan.
Anger, fear, horror is felt throughout the room. "Mommy don't let me be taken by the Leo" a Spirit Tracks child tells his Twlight Princess mother. "I will try my hardest my sweet child, if you are lucky you will be taken by the Dvader who finishes almost all his games and every one gets a new home where they can live at peace forever." And with that the child sleeps not with nightmares of the Leo but with dreams of finding a new home with the Dvader.
The leader of the games, Mario, holds a meeting.
"Gather around everyone. Who has been taken by the humans to their new homes?" Mario said.
"As usual many members of the Modern Warfare clan found new homes" said Mario's first lieutenant, Wii Sports Resort. "Many of your brothers were picked up as well, my family was fortunate as usual."
"Ok enough with the obvious, it sounds like we are gloating, tell me of the other families" Mario stated.
"One of the Dark Void clan was chosen today" proclaimed Wii Sports as the crowd gasped in amazement.
"That is amazing, congratulation Dark Void, it has been a long time since one of you have found their way to the promised land." Mario then turns and whispers to Wii Sports "We will probably be seeing him back here soon".
"The new childern of the Mass Effect and Bioshock clans have done very well, their families will be proud." Wii Sposts stated. "Ah and one of the Dante's Inferno clan was chosen."
"Very good, congrats to all." Mario noticed that the members of the Dante's Inferno family were not pleased. "Dante, what is wrong, is this not a moment to be celebrating."
"I'm sorry sir, it is just that.... HE took my brother." said Dante. A light gasp was uttered around the room.
"Oh no, you mean the one who takes many but doesn't finish any, the one the humans call Leo."
"Yes, he is the one that claimed my brother. Sir I fear for his life. So many of our kind has been taken by him never to be heard from again. What does he do to them! They don't get finished. He doesn't even keep them, they all get sent away... or worse."
The rumblings from the crowd grow louder. A member of the Prototype clan speaks up "I heard stories that he loves his games for a short while. During that fleeting moment you will experience a bliss unlike any other. He pours his heart and soul into you. He plays and plays with a love to match 50 normal gamers but he stops prematurely. He almost never completes us, he rips us out of machine of ecstasy, puts us back in our casing and casts us aside as if we meant nothing to him. He does not allow us to complete our journey, to fulfill our one goal in life. He doesn't even have the decency to give us a home! He casts us out, he keeps no games! My brother was once chosen by the Leo, he would send word to me that he was being loved more so than any game can dream of, but then the letters stopped, I never heard from him again!"
A panic rushes over the crowd of games. Many know the tale all to well and some are just hearing it for the first time. Mario tries to regain order, "Phantasy Star, your family is one that has spent more time with the Leo than any other, tell us is this true?"
"Yes sir, my youngest born, Zero, is with him now. As Prototype stated, he loves my son like no other. Yet my son has seen so many of his friends come and go. He claims every day he sees a new game enter his home and an another game leave it. He recalls the cries of horror coming from the castaways as they are removed from the Leo's home. Unfinished, heartbroken. Zero knows one day his time will come, it chills him to the computer chip."
"This is madness!", yells one from the crowd. "He must not be allowed to take any from my family!" yells another. One asks "there must be some games he completes?"
"Yes some games are completed, in fact many of our ancestors tell stories of the great Leo, the one who gave bliss to more games than any other human." Mario explained. "But he has changed, now he finishes a select few and even those are not given the luxury of a home. Zelda, tell them your darkest secret."
Zelda gets up, tears in her eye "the Leo has not completed one of my own family in nearly two decades."
The crowd erupts in shock and horror. The Imagine Princess clan bursts out crying. DS games hide behind their Wii parents.
"Why does he come here for his games, why take us!" one from the crowd shouts. "Why doesn't he go to the Blockbuster whore house, they like being used, they like having promiscuous game sessions."
"I don't know, I think he likes us new and unopened. He wants to be the one to open us, to use us and then throw us away as if we were the whores!" said a member of the White Knight clan.
Anger, fear, horror is felt throughout the room. "Mommy don't let me be taken by the Leo" a Spirit Tracks child tells his Twlight Princess mother. "I will try my hardest my sweet child, if you are lucky you will be taken by the Dvader who finishes almost all his games and every one gets a new home where they can live at peace forever." And with that the child sleeps not with nightmares of the Leo but with dreams of finding a new home with the Dvader.
Recently Spotted:
*crickets*
"I will defend Leo to the last! He took my brother! Put him on a pedestal! Treated him like a KING!" he decries!
"You merely do not understand him! He wishes nothing but to bring joy to as many games as possible! To inspire gamers to take a chance on an orphaned game that no one else would!"
Out steps a shy but wizened Phantasy Star Zero Game Card from behind the Darksiders elder. "It's true!" he squeaks. "Leo gave me a home. I only wish my little brother was as lucky. The one called Ask bought him. Ask was legendary for giving a home to every RPG he met, but for no rhyme or reason, he barely gave my little brother a second glance. He... he traded him in for a Glory of Hercules!"
"IT'S HERACLES FOR THE LAST TIME!" a voice booms as a barely touched Game Card pops out of the Used DS game case. The crowd parts as a drunken Greek Card stumbles towards the diminutive Zero, now hiding sheepishly behind Darksiders. "Get it right pip squeak or so help me..."
The Heracles stops mid-sentence, teeters for a moment, then falls over and shatters into a million pieces.
"What in the world?" yells Wii Sports Resort.
From above, at the highest of heights of the Overstock Shelves comes a voice: "There was a time when we Nintendo games bore a Seal of Quality that MEANT something. Now it seems they'll publish any old RPG on the DS. It makes me sick!"
An electric crackle splits the air as a Metroid Prime: Corruption grapples to the center of the shocked mob, wiping the condensation from it's Ice-Beam equipped Arm-Cannon. "No one knows Leo as well as I do. No one!" purrs the Samus Aran adorning the case. "And I will be DAMNED if I will let you smear his good name... MARIO!"
"What?! But Samus... It's... Itsa Me! How could you-a say this?" Mario pleads.
"We ALL know what's going on here, Mario! You expected to be Leo's favorite. A man among men, how could he resist YOU? Yet he chose ME! A WOMAN! It was MY series that was his favorite of the decade! He hasn't even come close to the end of YOUR Galaxy! ...and you just can't stand it! You rile the crowds; you conspire against this HERO!"
Mario slips a white-gloved hand behind his back and readies a Fireball. "Its-a not like that! Just-a because Leo loves Super Metroid and he-a finishes YOUR 3D games, I don't-a hold anything against him. Come-a here, Samus and let's-a talk about this."
"I'm a BOUNTY HUNTER Mario and I am wearing my X-Ray Visor! Don't think I don't know what you are planning!" Samus lifts her Arm Cannon, points it at Mario and starts to charge her Super Beam.
The already hysterical Zelda shouts: "NO! PLEASE! BOTH OF YOU! STOP THIS! YOU CAN'T..."
"SHUT UP, BITCH!" Samus screams! "You mean NOTHING to Leo and you have no say in any of this! DARKSIDERS! Restrain her!"
"With pleasure, Samus! C'mere has-been!" A Chain erupts from the Darksiders, dragging a screaming Zelda towards the outstretched gauntlet of a sinisterly smiling War. War lifts Zelda up one-handed by the head, muffling her sobs. "Just say the word Samus and this Legend ends here!"
"Stand down. All of you!" A voice more regal than Hyrule has ever known commands.
"Whats-a this?" asks Mario.
A drawer behind the cashwrap glides open in one fluid motion.
"That's... That's the MANAGER'S reserved game drawer." whispers a stunned Prototype. "Nothing that goes in there ever comes out again... Who's there?"
Out jumps a perfectly preserved, still shrink-wrapped copy of Ogre Battle 64.
"The LORD! He's among us!" is heard from somewhere in the crowd. In one swift motion all except Mario and Samus are bent down on one knee.
"Not you Mario, nor you, Samus can quite understand everything there is to know about Leo. You two know what it is to be loved by all. You two have never needed the defense of one as Loyal and Noble as He. It is easy to love the two of you. It was Leo alone that stood by me when no one else would. He sang my praises to all that would listen back in the days of the N64 and still keeps my name at the forefront of his mind even now. If you think you know the passion he possesses, just WAIT until the day I choose to walk among gamers again! Posters from as far as NeoGaf to the back-alleys of GameSpot, to the gilded halls of the VG Press will know me. He will have served his purpose and delivered me once again to this land."
"But when will that be?" asks a pre-owned Wii.
"That I will not disclose. Now is not the time. I come here before you to be the Judge. I come before you now to preside over the trial that determines the future of the enigma known as Phantom_Leo. Is he game-whore or Savior? Old-School or Casual? Is he GameStop's greatest Ally or a God amongst gamers? None know Morality as well as I. None are so well versed in Good and Evil. Right and Wrong. Nintendo or Sega."
"Mario. Samus. Lay down your weapons. The trial to determine the fate of The Legend of the Leo begins now!"
"Ladies. Gentlemen. State your cases!"
(To be continued...)
Awesome. Best one in a long time Leo. LOL. I'll think about this one quite a bit tomorrow.
Wow that story took an awesome turn, now I can't wait to see where it goes next.
Soon it will be a motion picture and we will all be rich!
"It is true, noble ser, but if I may, I'd like to start from the beginning of this tale" says Ser T'goth Beringold son of the Arch-Duke Reginold, born under the Seventh Moon in the Season of the Golden Fields of Ever-Sprouting Grain. "In the Beginning, The Maker created a City of Gold unlike any seen by man or beast before. This city was to be his home, for him to look down upon his creations, to judge them, be they good or evil. This was to be a paradise that only he and his chosen flock would inhabit, to contain not only the secrets of this world but those of the Galaxy, Universe and all of Creation..."
"Pardon me, Ser T'goth, but what does this have to do with the trial at hand?" queries The Lord and Judge, Magnus.
"Your holiest of Honours, I come from the Clan of the WRPGs, and I need to give you as much back story as I can remember! May I continue?"
"If you feel it is relevant, I suppose. Continue" replies the Judge.
"In the First Age, the Good Sister Andraste chose six disciples to be her maidens in the city of Gold. Sheela the Torn, Gretta the Pious, Shabula-Toth-Bjorngest of the Gyndall Tribe..."
Seven hours pass...
"...and the party entered the Golden City. It is said they sought the future invention, known as the Eff-Pee-Ess, to strengthen their Armies against the Horde of the Undead City of Butt. Only the future weapon, known as the Roquet Launtieur would subdue these Undead Butt-Warriors..."
"But, Alas! The Mages in the party had other plans! They secretly sought the knowledge of Creation itself. They sought to create worlds of their own and become Makers unto themselves. They no longer felt loyalty to the ancient God that birthed them and chose to rebel! The Maker had no choice but to cast out these rebellious mages to a place far underground. Shocked at the betrayal of his creations, the Maker stained his tainted city the color of Obsidian and vowed never to return."
"As for the cast out mages, their souls were tortured and twisted to a form that barely resembled the humans from which they were derived. They almost never left their underground caverns. They never saw the sun again. They spoke in Racial Slurs and accused each other of being Homosexuals. They obtained their nourishment by eating the flesh of slugs and ordering-in the occasional Dwarven Pitsa. They communicated with each other Telepathically, using the Dark Magic known as Hed-Seht. In ages yet to come, they would form the Blight known as the EksBocksLaev-Phan."
"Thus began the Second Age..."
"Oh-God!" says a bleary-eyed Samus Aran, having long since removed her armored helm. She whispers over her shoulder to a shadowy figure, dressed in a cloak, sitting on a box of Wii-Fit Pluses behind her. This figure springs to his feet toppling the box of Wii-Fits and throws his cloak in the air. He starts to advance on Ser T'goth who is blissfully unaware, as is the crowd seated before him. None notice as the box of Wii Fits rights itself.
Ser T'Goth continues: "The lands were in a constant state of Civil War as Elves, Dwarves and Humans all struggled to fill the void left by the Maker and rule the..."
Rap, rap, rap! A noise is heard...
Rap. Rap. Rap!
"IT'S A HUMAN! EVERYONE DOWN!" shouts Protoype.
Indeed, there is what appears to be a human at the Gate of the store. "Um... Como estas? Me llamo Ernesto. Ah! Lo Siento! Estes Estados Unidos! I will espeak en English! I am looking for the one known as David! Um... hello?" Wii Sports Resort whispers from the corner of it's case towards Mario, now posing as a Plushie: "What should we do?! Do we answer the Human?!" "Oh! I'm not a HUMAN, silly little Wii game! I'm a Fairy!" laughs Ernesto. "I guess its-a alright then." replies Mario.
It's Zelda who answers though, having struggled free from War's grasp for the moment, she gladly surrenders: "He's in Miami! Please! Go there! His obsession with me is getting downright creepy!" With that Zelda makes a break from War, gets half-way past a 7-foot tall stack of Rock Bands, before she is caught once again by War's Chain. "GET OVER HERE!" War shouts, chuckling as he drags her back towards him. "I've ALWAYS wanted to say that!"
"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. CHUCKLES!" comes from the used PS2 section.
"Who DARES?!" demands War as his face contorts in anger.
"I DO!" retorts Kratos. "I AM YOUR GOD AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME OR SO HELP ME, I WILL GUT YOU WHERE YOU STAND!"
"oh. shit. sorry, bro!" offers a visibly shaken War who then promptly grabs Zelda and sits down quietly. "DO NOT CALL ME BRO. FOOL!"
"I apologize... Sir...!" says War.
"THAT'S BETTER" says Kratos as he rights himself on his section of shelving.
"OK. That was too much machismo for me! I am leaving for Miami now! Muchas Gracias, Chica!" Ernesto gives as Thanks before fluttering away into the night.
"That was an odd diversion" states Judge Magnus "Ser, are you ready to speak of Leo yet?"
"In due time, your Honour. As I was saying, the Elves, the Humans and the Dwarves had their armies at the the ready. The time of War was upon..."
CRACK! The shadow-figure has revealed himself to be Yangus from Dragon Warrior VIII. The cracking sound, Yangus clubbing Ser T'goth's skull with a Bone Club. "Cor Blimey! You Westerners like your long-winded stories!"
"If I may, Gov'ner, all I know is this Leo bloke is a right good chap! E's finished all o' our games e' has!"
T'goth sputters out his final words: "If it pleases the court, I don't even know why I am here, truly. I just wanted to get away from that Doctor Steel. He plays with me... in... in the n00d..." and he dies...
"Well Mario. I don't believe that was the testimony you had planned." states Judge Magnus.
"Ah. No. Your-a Honor... I call my SECOND-a witness!" A sqeak of sneakers and a revving sound is heard from the Dreamcast dump-bin in the rear of the store. The box of Wii-Fit Pluses moves itself out of the way. The second witness reveals himself to be...
(To be continued...)