Over the last few months I've started back up on chess for the first time in about 12 years (seriously, it's been that long?!). But it's not what you'd think.

A big reason I dropped it before was anxiety got overwhelming. In a similar fashion to Ladder Anxiety, I managed to create so much imagined internal pressure that it was overwhelming.

Through past bouts of depression, I never had the chance to address it. Chess being an outlet to generate the shakes like nothing else, it felt like an opportunity to experiment and hopefully find growth.

Playing on an anonymous account got me started.

The creeping into a slightly less anonymous account pushed forward.

And now to progress more, I need to fail on a grander stage in order to accept that trying and failing isn't a personal condemnation.

So I've started streaming on twitch

https://www.twitch.tv/zurahn

and uploading the results to youtube

https://www.youtube.com/user/zurahn/videos?view_as=subscriber

Still fiddling around with things, and still trying to find ways to fit in how the mental side is going as I move along with things and maybe fitting in fun inbetween.

And if you were wondering, I managed to start this just before the world started melting. Definitely the best time to challenge your anxiety. Definitely.