DICK!
PlatformOVERALL
Xbox 3608.60
Overall 8.60
Imagine a shooter that decides to completely embrace it's juvenile premise but do so in a manner where it doesn't become a parody. Bulletstorm is that game, it knows it is a big dumb shooter and it LOVES that it’s a big dumb shooter. This is a game that celebrates shooting and killing while appealing to that immature male teenager in all of us.

What makes Bulletstorm work so well is its scoring system which changes the gameplay enough so that you don’t play it like most shooters of today. There used to be a time where FPSs were about fast paced movement, reaction time, and general chaos. These days FPS are more about hiding behind a rock while your magic shield recharges so you can pop out and try to get a headshot. BORING. Bulletstorm encourages you to get out there and simply shoot everything that moves.

The scoring system scores you on how creative you kill your enemies. Get a head shot and you only get a few points. Instead why don't you hit them with a timed bomb, then dash at them knocking them into the air, then shoot his anus, then watch the grenade explode. You character is very fast which makes up close combat possible. You can slide in and out of cover very quick, in fact if you are good enough at managing enemies you won’t have to hide behind cover at all. The game gives you most of the tools you need to constantly be in the thick of the action this makes every moment a blast to play.

There is plenty of weapon variety each with its own kinds of potential combos. The game keeps a large checklist of all the potential scoring options which leads to the player attempting to perform all of them which is no simple feat. A minor complaint would be that some scoring combos seem to rely a bit much on luck and can't be used in the heat of battle. You will find certain high scoring combos that are easy to perform which does lead to spamming certain moves over and over. I always tried changing weapons and using the environmental kills to keep things interesting but it wasn't necessary as some basic combos could get me a higher score.

While I found the action to be fun and riveting the biggest problem this game has is that its all too easy. Like I mentioned before you have all these guns and scoring opportunities but the game doesn't ever make you need to know them. Spamming one or two moves over and over is more than enough to get you through almost any situation. There is some enemy variety but each bigger kind of enemy has an easy pattern you learn to exploit rather quickly. There are a few bosses, one in particular that reminded me of a Metroid Prime boss which I thought was spectacular. I wish the game had more of that and less of the usual gun fodder. I also found the two weapon at a time limit to be way too restrictive. In a game all about mixing up attacks not letting you have your full arsenal feels like a huge missed opportunity.

Where it lacks in providing you a constant challenge it makes up for in its unpredictable level design. Bulletstorm will surprise you with some crazy event almost every 30 minutes or so. You will be chased by a gigantic building sized spinning drill thing of death. One amazing level has you controlling a giant animatronic laser shooting dinosaur. You just never know what the game will throw at you next. While the game is rather short, about 6 hours, it never overstays its welcome. It feels like they made a game that could only feel fresh for 6 hours, by the end you have performed almost all the scoring combos and fought all the enemies so many times that there is no more combat innovation to be had.

Much has to be said about the incredible dialogue spoken throughout the game. You have probably heard the famous "dick tits" line, well that is nothing. This game uses the word dick in the same way Scarface uses the word fuck. Dick becomes a versatile word that can be used in any situation and phrase. The writing in this game deserves to win an award, no I am not joking, I found it to be hilarious in all the right ways. Your character is always with a partner meaning there is always a verbal back and forth going on. It’s so witty, funny and outrageous in all the right ways. By the end of the game you are paired with the main villain of the game, the resulting conversations are classic. I can't recall many games where I cannot wait to move forward not just to see what I will do next but also what I will hear next.

Bulletstorm has a multiplayer mode that I never touched so I can't judge it. For single player only players it has a great extra mode called echoes which is basically certain parts of the game broken down into bite sized pieces where you simply try to get the highest score. You try to get the highest score while finishing the level in the quickest time; you earn medals depending on how you do and of course you have online leaderboards. This mode is a blast as it really allows you to play for maximum carnage, a chance to try out the most complex moves.

This is an excellent start to what I hope becomes an ongoing series. Some might simply hear a part of the game and think its all stupid juvenile dialogue like a Duke Nukem. That is not the case; it uses that style of speaking but in a smart interesting way. In terms of action Bulletstorm has created a neat new kind of FPS which does have room to grow. I believe this is a great first start which can lead to one of those famous sequels that are better than the original in every way. It would have been more impressive if it was longer and harder though, just like most dicks.
Posted by Dvader Wed, 24 Apr 2013 04:47:19
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 06:13:21
"Imagine a shooter that decides to completely embrace it's juvenile premise but do so in a manner where it doesn't become a parody."

Dude...bro...what the hell is it if not a parody?!
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 13:12:04
Very nice review. Whenever I think about this game I immediately go back to my favorite line, "well isn't that just sweeter than teenage poontang."

As far as the multiplayer, it's fun for a brief while but if you're not playing with people who are on the exact same page it can be extremely frustrating. It's a team-based fight where you're trying to score enough cumulative points to advance to the next level. Higher levels and more points mean better bonuses. The problem is that if you have people who don't understand they're playing as a team, or people who aren't killing in a high points/creative way you won't meet your goal. And inevitably you're matched with morons who don't get this.
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:11:08
To me a parody wouldnt take itself seriously, it would understand its a joke. This game is serious in being a big dumb shooter, it just does so in expert fashion.
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:18:49
I know what you are saying Vade, but this is far from a dumb shooter, it is quite innovative in the combo chain scoring among other things.  (and I know you agree, I'm not calling you on it, just letting people know this isn't a "dumb" game).

Man, I wish there could be a good sequel to this game Sad
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:20:02
and if you want this posted with images at gameunder.net pm or email me.
 
Wed, 24 Apr 2013 20:14:51
Dicktits. That is all.
 
Thu, 25 Apr 2013 04:13:05
This is an awesome game and if ya don't agree I will KILL YOUR DICK!
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