Forum > Blogs > The RE5 blog of complaining/impressions/nipple tap/chronic masturbation and shooter retardation
The RE5 blog of complaining/impressions/nipple tap/chronic masturbation and shooter retardation
<<
prev
So Batman popped up for his revenge. I had a cunning plan. As usual just before a boss battle they'd given me a nice new toy to play with. This time it was a grenade launcher. Oh yeah, I'd get Batman this time. I laid down a mine while Sheva ran away despite being on follow (probably a clue) and boom! Batman's on his back. I whip out the grenade launcher. BAM! BAM! BAM! 12 time into Batman's arse. Turns out Robin's made his anus as elastic Jim Carrey's face, because it was un-harmed.
At that point I realised it was a scripted event. Batman just wanted to chase me. I ran away and as if by chance a pillar fell on Batman which was more than enough to crush his metal anus.
I want my ammo back.
Wesker's girlfriend must use a lot of nipple tape to keep her dress on.
If Wesker had been wearing that dress instead, I don't think Vader would've been able to finish the game; he'd have just rewatched the cutscene again and again while he masturbated onto his PS3.
At that point I realised it was a scripted event. Batman just wanted to chase me. I ran away and as if by chance a pillar fell on Batman which was more than enough to crush his metal anus.
I want my ammo back.
Wesker's girlfriend must use a lot of nipple tape to keep her dress on.
If Wesker had been wearing that dress instead, I don't think Vader would've been able to finish the game; he'd have just rewatched the cutscene again and again while he masturbated onto his PS3.Edited: Thu, 13 May 2010 11:35:21
Edgecrusher knows that you will try and poke your finger in his ass Steel. Like that arcade game you are so fond of.
Dvader obviously doesn't mind. 
Sheva:
Oh look, there's a laser-type beam that is shot down a passage at regular inteverals. I bet it'll hurt us. I better not run into it. Hmm, what can I do, though? Are those intervals really regular? I know...I'll hide in the wall until they start firing it, then run out in front of it! It'll catch them totally off guard!
A few moments later:
Uh oh, I've learned my lesson with those lasers. I'll just run up onto this pedestal. Hmm? What's that Chris? A spider is killing you? Well gee, I wish I could come and give you the injection you need, but I wouldn't want to kill myself on those lasers. I saw how pissed off you were when I did that last time---oh, you're dead.
Oh look, there's a laser-type beam that is shot down a passage at regular inteverals. I bet it'll hurt us. I better not run into it. Hmm, what can I do, though? Are those intervals really regular? I know...I'll hide in the wall until they start firing it, then run out in front of it! It'll catch them totally off guard!
A few moments later:
Uh oh, I've learned my lesson with those lasers. I'll just run up onto this pedestal. Hmm? What's that Chris? A spider is killing you? Well gee, I wish I could come and give you the injection you need, but I wouldn't want to kill myself on those lasers. I saw how pissed off you were when I did that last time---oh, you're dead.
No, Sheva officially sucks. There are no two ways around it.
The only reason reapers are so annoying is because she likes being penetrated by them. Well fuck her she can have a quickie in the job if she wants, but that's not reason for Chris to get so jealous that I have to restart the whole fucking section all over again.
Oh well at least I got her back for letting me die. I made my way along conveyor belt, then jumped up onto a platform again to avoid a box. Sheva was on cover, but instead of following me she decided to run away from the box instead. She managed to stand on zombie just before the incinerator leaving me no time to kill it. Well that's what she gets for having sex on the job I suppose.
Sorry Vader and Edge, but she's shit and there's no two ways around it. There's also absolutely no need for her to be there from a design perspective except in a few boss battles and doors wher you have to---oh wait they could've just made it so you could do everything yourself.
Also the scripted events are always very annoying.
And this isn't RE5's fault, but I wish there was more freedom in killing a boss sometimes. Okay, the way you're meant to could be the quickest, but how about letting you do things just a little differently even if it takes 5 times as long.
The only reason reapers are so annoying is because she likes being penetrated by them. Well fuck her she can have a quickie in the job if she wants, but that's not reason for Chris to get so jealous that I have to restart the whole fucking section all over again.
Oh well at least I got her back for letting me die. I made my way along conveyor belt, then jumped up onto a platform again to avoid a box. Sheva was on cover, but instead of following me she decided to run away from the box instead. She managed to stand on zombie just before the incinerator leaving me no time to kill it. Well that's what she gets for having sex on the job I suppose.
Sorry Vader and Edge, but she's shit and there's no two ways around it. There's also absolutely no need for her to be there from a design perspective except in a few boss battles and doors wher you have to---oh wait they could've just made it so you could do everything yourself.
Also the scripted events are always very annoying.
And this isn't RE5's fault, but I wish there was more freedom in killing a boss sometimes. Okay, the way you're meant to could be the quickest, but how about letting you do things just a little differently even if it takes 5 times as long.
Edited: Mon, 17 May 2010 03:23:59
LOL
I died 7 times (well technically I died twice) and still got an A on 5-3.
I died 7 times (well technically I died twice) and still got an A on 5-3.
It's finished. Fucking boss battles. Fucking reapers.
I mean great game overall.
I mean great game overall.
Great...........?
gamingeek said:
Great...........?
Fine, good.
Good............?
gamingeek said:
Good............?
He said great first!
Let me think about whose penis is bigger?
Okay, the game is great. C'mere Vader! <3
Foolz said:
Let me think about whose penis is bigger?
Okay, the game is great. C'mere Vader! <3
*Runs into topic and dives on Vader!*
MINE!
Get your own Spanish speaking Miamian!
The splitscreen is the worst splitscreen I have ever played. Pathetic. Anyone I can play online with?
Log in or Register for free to comment
Recently Spotted:
SupremeAC (6m)
You have never wanted to play with me in any game, bitch!