Wesker stood on an empty street. Rain poured down from the heavens, and he took off his sunglasses to reveal his beautiful blue eyes. He wiped the water from his face, then replaced the sunglasses and walked down the street.

     He paused for a moment outside a dark alleyway, as he saw down it a man rummaging through a rubbish bin, but when he started scratching his testicles, he quickly continued on. But he was distracted by what he had seen and found himself quite unable to get the image out of his mind. There was something alluring about that man’s hairy testicles.

He turned around to head back to it, but something ran into him and knocked him over.
     “Sorry!” whatever it was said, but his vision was blackened by the blow. “I was running very fast and couldn’t see where I was going!”

     “You’re not Leon are you? I’ve already told you Umbrella’s finished for Christ’s sake—fuck you know I faked my own death to get away from you. I just want to go back to living a simple life. I think I might try and get a job on CSI: Miami. I’ve got the glasses for it, you know.”
     “YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!” he shouted, “you sorta do.”

     “Why the hell are you shouting?” Wesker asked, but instead of replying the mysterious figure pulled him to his feet with a white-gloved hand.

     Wesker took off his sunglasses so he could see clearly, and saw that he was currently shaking hands with a blue hedgehog.

     “Hey, aren’t you that completely washed up character that hasn’t had a good game for ten years?”

      “Hey,” Sonic protested, “you’re a secondary character in a series with a Z-Grade story. At least I’m actually the star of a game, you know, a game where the story doesn’t matter.”
Fap fap fap fap fap fap.

     “Can you hear something?” Wesker asked, and turned around to see what was making the noise, but it was too late as something was sprayed into his eyes. 

     He screamed, and both Sonic and Wesker found themselves engulfed in a smelly, dirty sack. 

“Help!” Sonic screamed, but it was too late, as they were both beaten unconscious—hopefully (for their sakes) with a weapon.

When they came to they both found themselves strapped to a bed in a dimly lit room. A candle flickered in the corner, and they could smell pizza and mountain dew. The door opened, and a naked man covered from head to toe in hair stepped through it. He smiled like a fanboy when saw them both, and almost ejaculated in sheer joy.

     “Wesker, I’m like you’re biggest fan!” he said. “I’ve loved you since the day I saw you, and Sonic, I still believe in you man. I know you’ve got another game in you—you just need somebody who’ll support you, and if you’ll let le put something else in you, I’ll help get that game out of you if you know what I mean?”

      So terrified by this hideous and disgusting man were they that they could not move or speak. The man walked over to a rubbish bin in the corner, and began rummaging through it. Finally he pulled a condom from it and slipped it on.

      “No offence Wesker, but the T_Virus is transmitted through bodily fluids, and Sonic…well any Hedgehog that has sex with children probably isn’t too worried about hygiene.”

      They reeled back in horror and disgust as he moved towards them slowly, but just as he was about to violently penetrate Wesker the door was knocked down with a tremendous bang.
      “WHERE ARE THE DRUGS?” a man screamed in a gruff, manly voice, and everybody looked up at the doorway.

      It was Batman. 

      “You came!” the man cried even more gleefully.

      “And now I’m going to arrest you,” Batman replied, “you dirty hobo-pervert, but first tell me where the drugs?” 

      “Beyond the Viagra,” the man replied, “there are no drugs. Now come over here you big hunk of a man and show me what the ‘man of steel’ really means!”

      “That’s Superman, you idiot, and besides I’m not the gay one.”

      “Don’t make me laugh.” He shook his head. “I’ve seen Batman and Robin, and you were both totally doing each other.”

      “I was doing Catwoman, and while I will admit Robin had a crush on me, look how sexy I am, who wouldn’t?”

      “I agree!” he grinned. “You’re the hottest superhero I’ve ever seen…you’ve also got the best bulge, and you’re not afraid to hide it like Superman.” He blushed. “The only reason he wears those underpants on the outside is so that he can put socks in them. I feel sorry for Lois.”

      “Did you say there were no drugs here?” he asked again, and slowly began to back away towards the doorway.

      “No drugs,” the man nodded. “Only manly love.”

      “Well, I better be going!” he said, and quickly slammed the door closed.

He jumped, and attempted to glide away, but fell to the ground, and the man run outside after him. He knocked him out, and it wasn’t long before he found himself tied to a bed next to Sonic and Wesker.

      “What happened?” he asked in horror. “Why couldn’t I glide away?”

      “Well,” Wesker replied, “you didn’t try to rescue us, so it wasn’t a glitch in your high-tech wing system, but a glitch in your karma.”