As many of you know Mr. Iwata is facing a some difficult times at Nintendo following the Wii's unfortunate performance. My good buddy Miyamota contacted me earlier this morning over the phone. Normally Sundays means backgammon and mimosas for the two of us, but apparently things at 'the Big N' are very uneasy right now, and they've asked for his precense. Now when he called I thought it was just to apologize for not being able to make it (he's like that, always over-apologizing for things that aren't his fault), but it turns out he had a little inside information. Apparently the rumors are true. I am in fact on a short-list of potential replacements for Iwata.

I'm flattered really. I can't honestly say I'm surprised though. I mean, I've been on internet video game message boards for almost 20 years. In 1999 I applied for a job at Ziff-Davis to write for EGM. I've abandoned a video game advertising agency, and more recently abandoned a video game review blog. I'm a natural candidate.

So even though it will be a few more days before I get an official invite to visit their headquarters and discuss some ideas I wanted to throw a few out here and maybe bounce some ideas back and forth, just to make sure I go in with something that will wow the board over at Nintendo. I've got a mix of what I think are good innovative ideas that will help Nintendo rebound, as well as some more conservative ideas that will make them know I understand what Nintendo looks for in an idea filled CEO.

1. The Pokemon MMO: I know I mentioned it before, but it's worth repeating. Imagine walking around Woo-Hoo Island catching Pokemon with your friends and neighbors. The game itself will be discounted and available for a mere $20 to $25, and then we'll microtransaction the fuck out of it!!  Want to catch more than 3 Pokemon a day? That's a dollar. Do you want a different outfit so you don't look like everyone else? That's a dollar. Do you want to compete in the Grand Tournament of Champions? That's a dollar. Within 2 months of this game's release I project Nintendo's cash surplus to triple.

2. The Nintendo Juke-box: Wouldn't you love to be able to listen to your favorite Nintendo songs anytime you wanted? Well then, just turn on your Wii U and select the Nintendo Juke box, where you can listen to your favorite songs from the 8-bit days all the way up to the classic tunes of Wii Music. For just $5 a month, stream all the game soundtracks you want.

3. Chrono Trigger 2: Nintendo needs respectable familiar third party titles. And not shit like Castlevania Judgement or Soul Caliber Legends or Street Fighter Dance Party. So I'm opening up the vault and going to S-E and giving them a blank check for Chrono Trigger 2. Why Chrono Trigger 2? Because first of all I want a revamped Chrono Trigger 1 with an alternate ending that fixes the everything and makes sure Chrono Cross doesn't happen.  That shit will sell I tell you. And even if it doesn't, fuck it, I want it. If they can spend money to make the Wonderful 101 happen, they can do it for this.

4. The new Wii U Weather Channel and Everyone Votes!: You know you loved these things on the Wii. Why aren't they back? Too much development time spent of Mii TV? Get ready to vote again everyone!

5. Give out use of old IP's to indie developers: Nintendo isn't doing shit with Ice Climbers, Mach Rider, or Urban Brawler. And I'm sure there's someone out there who wants a new Clu Clu Land. What is the worst that could happen? Make us a game! If it's good we'll release it on the eShop, we'll start a good relationship (we need new ones since not even Ubisoft talks to us anymore), and we'll all make some money. If it sucks ass, we'll let you put it on PC and see if you can make a few nickels off of it. Just make sure you ask permission, and we can put the Nintendo logo all over it.

6. Star Tropics 3: Nuff said.

7. 2014 - The Year of Dragon Quest: S-E is sitting on half a dozen Dragon Quest games for the 3DS and Wii U that aren't going anywhere. I will have Nintendo translate it, publish it, and put the Nintendo hype machine on it (that actually does work when someone remembers it exists). I will have people in the West knocking down doors and little old ladies for these games.

8. Fans vote for the next game - Club Nintendo member who have registered their systems get to vote on which IP is worked on next. That's how the decision gets made. You want a Metroid game? Use your vote. You want a Punch-Out game? Use your vote. You want Clu-Clu U?? Buy 5 Wii U's and use all of your votes. And if we don't like the game they choose? Well, we can always say people voted for another New Super Mario Bros. At least this way we'll get a better idea on sales projections.

9.  Vitality Sensor - It already exists. Who cares if it doesn't work right, or doesn't have any gaming applications? When the hell has that stopped Nintendo in the past? They made Game & Wario and that barely had any gaming applications. This is already developed. Let's build some hype for it, get it on Oprah, and we'll sell a million for just $30 a unit. We'll even make an app that supports it (that secretly will do nothing and we'll insist it's user error).

So those are my initial ideas. I've got some other things involving a third column of hardware. I think it's high time to give the Virtual Boy another shot, but I'm going to hold onto that one until I've been in power for a little while. Unless of course you guys think VB2 is too good of an idea to hold back on.

Bravo!

Ravenprose said:

Pokemon MMO? Bollocks! Teh internet is nothing but a fad! Nintendo knows this to be true. All they need to do is wait, not cash-in on short-lived trends.

If a Star Wars MMO made by Bioware and funded without restraint by EA can't succeed, I can't see anything else getting over. WoW is WoW.

robio said:

8. Fans vote for the next game - Club Nintendo member who have registered their systems get to vote on which IP is worked on next. That's how the decision gets made. You want a Metroid game? Use your vote. You want a Punch-Out game? Use your vote. You want Clu-Clu U?? Buy 5 Wii U's and use all of your votes. And if we don't like the game they choose? Well, we can always say people voted for another New Super Mario Bros. At least this way we'll get a better idea on sales projections.

No.

aspro said:

If a Star Wars MMO made by Bioware and funded without restraint by EA can't succeed, I can't see anything else getting over. WoW is WoW.

In all fairness, The Old Republic didn't meet expectations saleswise, because the game didn't meet any player expectations. Most people who've played it that I know of found it extremely boring. Most will even agree that Galaxies (the first Star Wars MMO) was significantly better prior to all the nerfing and rebalancing. Despite the critical praise I don't think it's unfair to say that Bioware didn't get it right. That's the beauty of a Pokemon MMO. The formula is already in place because it's practically an MMO already. The only difference is instead of limiting battles to designated areas, everyone just moves to a shared full-game environment. It would kill because it wouldn't have to make particular sacrfices to gameplay, like The Old Republic did from it's switch from console solo game to MMO.

aspro said:

One day you are going to have to explain your Star Tropics fetish.

Have you not played it?

Hell, considering Capcom's financial misfortunes, maybe Nintendo could fund a RE action game.

robio said:

aspro said:

If a Star Wars MMO made by Bioware and funded without restraint by EA can't succeed, I can't see anything else getting over. WoW is WoW.

In all fairness, The Old Republic didn't meet expectations saleswise, because the game didn't meet any player expectations. Most people who've played it that I know of found it extremely boring. Most will even agree that Galaxies (the first Star Wars MMO) was significantly better prior to all the nerfing and rebalancing. Despite the critical praise I don't think it's unfair to say that Bioware didn't get it right. That's the beauty of a Pokemon MMO. The formula is already in place because it's practically an MMO already. The only difference is instead of limiting battles to designated areas, everyone just moves to a shared full-game environment. It would kill because it wouldn't have to make particular sacrfices to gameplay, like The Old Republic did from it's switch from console solo game to MMO.

Agreed. And in all honestly, it is actaully doing pretty well now they have made it F2P.

robio said:

aspro said:

One day you are going to have to explain your Star Tropics fetish.

Have you not played it?

No. I have it. But even so, your annual predictions about a StarTropics revival requires explanation.

aspro said:

No. I have it. But even so, your annual predictions about a StarTropics revival requires explanation.

robio said:

Ok. Deep dark Robio secret revelation. . . I've never really played Star Tropics. I've played a little bit of it on the VC, but not really enough to decide if its even good or not. It goes back years as an inside joke about how I will always rave about how great a game it is, but it started so long ago I can't really tell you how or why it started. It just exists.

How disappointment.