For Finbarr

(read the techniques listed in the above link BEFORE reading this philosophical look at dementia)

One

When we look at man and animal we find two creatures who are biologically identical, yet mentally incomparable. If we dig a little deeper (preferably through the scientific use of lobotomy) we find that both creatures do in fact have a brain, and the brains are in fact similar. However if we look at a fly we will find that the fly has no brain, for clearly a brain is too large to fit in a fly's head, and if there is indeed one, it is too small to be of any significance.

If we are to then dissect the brain scientifically we will find that they bear a similar resemblance. However, if we ask the creature what the difference between man and animal is, it is unlikely he will reply. If we ask the man what the difference between man and animal is, it is likely he will tell us that we have free will and self awareness, and if we ask Richard Dawkins he will tell us that man is animal, and completely disregard the question, then reason that evolution holds the answers, but Dawkins will not actually provide those answers for he is not a scientist. However all of this is anecdotal evidence, so the conclusion must be that man and animal are the same, and the fly, with its superior brain, is both the smallest and smartest of all three, even if the fly is not a creature, but in fact an insect.

Two

I am sure we all agree that dementia is of great significance to our life. We shall all eventually float off with the ferries and go to a picnic without a basket. There are three major aspects to dementia, daily life, biology and crime. First we shall look at daily life: often we have been told of old ladies who heat water in the microwave to the point where it is past boiling and has the appearance of water cool enough to drink. However when they drink it they find it to be too hot for human consumption. Many die as their throat disintegrates, and those that survive are placed in a home for the elderly, and those few that are rich sue the water company. This is clearly a serious problem for society to combat which brings me onto the next subject: biology. It is said that water can wear anything down over a long period of time, and also that the human body is made up mostly of water. As dementia is most prevalent in the elderly (those that have existed for many years) it must logically be caused by the body's water slowly wearing down the brain until finally it causes them to forget who their children are. This means that if we extract the skull of all of its fluid dementia will cease to be a problem, but as science has told us this could also prove fatal. I put forward that a compromise be made: we should remove the body of 30% of its water, and perhaps if the subject does not live for too long, it will not develop dementia. Finally our last subject is also our form of treatment: crime. Psychologists and astrologists alike have told us for many years that the brain has strong healing powers, not only that but the placebo effect can be almost as effective as medicine its self. This leads me to the conclusion that if we make it illegal to have dementia (those convicted are to be hanged by the neck until dead) that the majority of the population—from a very young age—will be proactively avoiding dementia, and as such it is unlikely it will ever develop.

I would like to congratulate all my readers for witnessing such a strong display of reason and analysis, and if you send this onto the world's leading neurologists, for helping rid the world of dementia.

Three

Community television is a vital entity to our national identity, and yet here we are having it encroached by the powerful commercial channels with their high budgets and large lips they want to crush the lifeblood of the youth of today: cape diem, if we do not seize the moment and revolt with pistol in hand we shall see laws that destroy what is every man's right: if we cannot bear arms we will be zu schwach, einfach zu schwach and be crushed within an instance by the socialist pigs with their pockets of a various coin and with the faces of capitalist whores who would **** their own mother for your bottom-line.

"If repression has indeed been the fundamental link between power, knowledge, and sexuality since the cIassical age, it stands to reason that we will not be able to free ourselves from it except at a considerable cost."

But already we are repressed: we see our daughters in our wives' mini-skirts, and our sons' wearing our own condoms. Foucault was an optimist, but a fool: the only way to free our selves from our sexual shackles is Hikikomori, or if you have pornography in your bedroom, seppuku.

And yet Heidegger says "Agriculture is now a motorized food industry, the same thing in its essence as the production of corpses in the gas chambers and the extermination camps, the same thing as blockades and the reduction of countries to famine, the same thing as the manufacture of hydrogen bombs."

This is in direct contradiction of Foucault's philosophy of take it home and rub it out, instead of take it out and **** about. However, a man who so clearly agrees with the Theodore Kaczynski can not be trusted, and as such will not be quoted again.

Finally we come to Derrida who agrees with the terrorist murderer:

"Everything is arranged so that it be this way, this is what is called culture."

He claims that it is so because god made it so, and so it should be so. But as Richard Dawkins once wisely said: "God is a teapot in space, pointing to its handle, but telling us it is its spout", which unequivocally proves that god does not exist, and if he does he is not worth mentioning, for he is a creature, not man, and as such is inferior to the fly.

Four

1.

We see here god not as a being but as a concept, a concept that is clearly jingoquivical of Christianity itself and as such is a metaphor for child birth.

2.

Sigmund Freud himself once said "das ist eine grosse arschloch" which was at the time a Tinoglock complex manifesting itself in Sigmund's own sexual appetite.

3.

Water irrigation is a necessary evil of agriculture, causing wells to explode, and dehydration. Clearly the Haxville concept shows that dementia is due not to water, but natural composition and chemical changes in the uterus. As such it is abundantly clear to me that the Eunuch is an off-shoot of the Unicorn: the horn an ironic phallic image, and Germane Greer a dirty old man without a penis.

4.

This all undeniably proves that Princess Diana was killed by Guido Fawkes due to a spacial shift in the inter-dimensional plates.

Five

""Birth control must lead ultimately to a cleaner race."

Margaret Sanger.

This quote as often been misinterpreted as racist, but clearly Sanger is not talking about aids. Berth does not refer to the creation of life, but the bed on a boat. If one is able to accurately control one's desire to sleep, and that of one's crew, then one is far more likely to win the America's Race.

Six

In Atlus Shrugged we see Ayn Rand argue—to the point where it becomes nagging—that a man should be allowed to think freely, and the right to a free market should be considered a human right by the UN.

What Miss Rand does not see is that anarchism is an unattainable whimsical value held by those without responsibility (teenagers) who believe them self to be adults. These pimpled half-adults, are too ignorant to see the consequences of a free market, and are unlikely to have been involved in any market at all. However, anarchism already exists, Miss Rand has the right to think what she wants, she has the right to buy what she wants, she has the right to do what she wants, but the judges, the courts, the lawyers, and the gaolers, have the right to do what they want to her! She has the right to defend herself, she has the right to kill herself, and she has the right to kill them. But Miss Rand is an idealist—a coward—not a fighter, which is why we see the protagonist in Atlus Shrugged unable to think freely, and instead of assassinating the president he settles down to a quiet life on the prairie where he can buy any sort of corn he likes, and think about anything he wants. Sadly it is an anti-climactic ending, and the literature is almost as flawed as the philosophy itself.

Seven and Eight

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

"[1]Alan Weisman, [2]in 1912 he was eliminated in the first round of the [3]Asphyxiation, from which the thoracic diaphragm can not expand or contract fully thus causing the inability to breathe correctly. One of the main processes of laughter involves the continuous expansion and contraction of the thoracic diaphragm, bringing in and releasing air into and from lungs. It is possible to overexert and strain this muscle to where it becomes too weakened to perform normally; [4]so that the moments are the Catalan numbers if R = 2. (Because of symmetry, all of the odd-order moments are zero.)

In free probability theory, the role of cumulants is occupied by "free cumulants", whose relation to ordinary cumulants is simply that the role of the set of all partitions of a finite set in the theory of ordinary cumulants is replaced by the set of all noncrossing partitions of a finite set. Just the cumulants of degree more than 2 of a probability distribution are all zero if and only if the distribution is normal, so also, the free cumulants of degree more than 2 of a probability distribution are all zero if and only if the distribution is Wigner's semicircle distribution.

[5]Leslie, a gay-wad, began playing football with Hawkhill Amateurs. In the early 1950s, he turned semi-pro and joined Newtongrange Star. He played for his regimental side at Oswestry after joining the Artillery in 1956.

After the war, Lawrie signed pro forms with Hibernian following a trial that war-time compatriot and Hibs player Jock Buchan had suggested he apply for. In 1958, he was in the side that reached the Scottish FA Cup Final, which they lost to Clyde. He moved to Airdrie in November 1959 for £4,475 and became captain. He won five caps for the Scottish national team while with Airdrie, all during the 1960-61 season.

Leslie moved to West Ham United in 1961 for £14,000 and won 'Hammer of the Year' in 1962. He went on to make 61 league and cup appearances for the East London club. He joined Stoke City in October 1963 and later played for Millwall and Southend United.

Leslie became Millwall's trainer upon his retirement in 1971 but left the role 18 months later. He has since been involved in coaching schools football."

In this obscure text we see Leslie; a homosexual, who had a long running career in football, and choked to death due to laughter. What relevance does this have to the subject, I hear you ask? The answer is simple, but so obscure that in its own sheer simplicity is almost impossible to articulate. To do so I shall leave you with this pie-graph. If a picture is worth a thousand words then a pie-graph is worth a million.

Nine

Dementia is a hard subject to discuss, perhaps even a controversial one. But not quite as controversial as Sam Newman, Germane Greer and sexuality. Aristotle once argued, "A flatterer is a friend who is your inferior, or pretends to be so." But Plato countered this with, "all men are by nature equal, made all of the same earth by one Workman; and however we deceive ourselves, as dear unto God is the poor peasant as the mighty prince."

Clearly stating that by definition a man cannot be flattered, because a man has no inferior. It could then be argued that as Sam Newman is undeniably a man, and Germane Greer a woman, they are not comparable. However at the time "man" referred to humanity as a whole, not a gender. So it can also be argued that both Sam Newman and Germane Greer are equal, and perhaps even peas in a pod.

But Satre disagrees, "If I became a philosopher, if I have so keenly sought this fame for which I'm still waiting, it's all been to seduce women basically." It could be argued that he no longer sees woman as part of humanity: he has ceased to call them man, and reduced them to the status of beast. As such Germane Greer is no longer man, and is no longer equal to man. And yet Nietzsche counters this with, "man is the cruelest animal." It is clear that he argues that though man and woman are not equal, woman is superior to man, due to the maternal instinct. Though it could be arguable that Freud counters this with his Oedipus complex, which proves that the maternal instinct is a way for the woman to capture more sexual partners and to reproduce further offspring, whom she shall seduce when they are old enough to reproduce. It is also arguable however, that Freud himself ends the whole argument, "America is a mistake, a giant mistake."

Ten

But what is the use of all this moral musing if it is not able to be put in use in a practical situation? Take for example, if you yourself had dementia and you were the grandmother of Hitler Not only would you be part Jewish, but you would also likely have dementia. What are the chances that you would find the fountain of youth and a cure for dementia? This becomes all the more complex, when it is apparent that Hitler's father raped you, and you are in fact Hitler's own mother, and taking after his father Hitler seduced you, and you are now the mother of his children, who in turn are Hitler's sister and your grandchildren. And what if the next day you found that you had the chance to kill Hitler during sex, by donkey punching him in the back of the head with knuckle dusters. Would you kill your own flesh and blood, who you are in love with, or would you let him send you off to the gas chamber and kill you and a million others? To make matters worse, you know that if you kill Hitler your unborn child will hang himself due to grief on his own umbilical cord, and you shall be sent to the guillotine where you will die as if you are the one who has done wrong, and then your own embryos shall be used for stem cell research, human cloning and cannibalism.

Eleven

I promise you that I shall devote all my time to solving these problems:

for this is truly a problem of our time, today we see our grandmothers, and even our daughters, walking down the street forgetting where they are. Getting in the car of a pimp, instead of taking the bus, and taking the bullet, instead of gravy train.

Nay, if you will be kind enough to help I shall grant you the right to my virgin daughter, who I promise shall be a tight little number and her cherry shall tastes better than the gummy Venus de Milo.

Imagine if you will, one moment you are having sex with the love of your life, the next you wake up, with a stranger on top of you, pounding you hard like Hugh Grant. You call the police, and your lover is arrested for rape and hanged. The next moment you remember he was your lover, and you kill yourself, only you've mistaken the Panadol for the sleeping pills, and you are forced to live for years in grief, only now and then you forget why you are incredibly sad.

In fact, I promise you, that not only will I solve this problems and you help you will not just get my daughter, I will personally get down on my legs and give you head until I feel it in my brain, then I will let you pound me like Paris Hilton on a Buck's Night.

Please, if you can help, do not hesitate. Next week, with your help or not, I promise I shall cover aids, homosexuality, and the rising death toll on the road.

Twelve

I hope I have solved some problems, but with such a complex issue, it is highly unlikely, that even I have made an impact, but I assure you, I have tried my best.