I got wood!

Yes, you thought it would never happen but it did.

It fits perfectly, even though it is thicker than a switch. It's still not quite finished as I have left enough room to screw Switch brackets on it and have it connect in the same way joycons fit to the switch tablet normally. But having tested it extensively on Splatoon 2, the joycons never rode up once. So I really don't need to do anything with it except decorate it.

You may think it looks uncomfortable, but my hands never touch wood, meaning unintentional messy explosions never happen. It's stiff and rigid, hard in all the right places. And the grip is large and comfy at the back. There's a lot of junk in the trunk.

You should have seen the machine they used to cut this thing

It's a massive commercial woodmill and they have this multi-levelled machine with all these weird brackets and pumps and this guy is looking at my diagram mistaking cms for metres. They when I showed him the switch, he suddenly realised. Nice fella.