To balance out a little of the sadder news we've shared, here's some good news that's going to look completely ridiculous on paper, but hell everyone needs a laugh right? At age 36 I'm going to become a grandfather.

... I know. I think this means I'm going to have to move to Alabama. For my Canadian friends not in the know, that's like having to go to the Maritimes. For everyone else, sorry I don't know your regionally geography well enough to make an appropriate reference to where the trashiest people in your country live.

Anyway it's not quite as scandelous as it first sounds. This is my step-daughter and she's 23. As you may remember my wife is a little older than me, and she had her oldest daughter when she was 21. So sure they're a little young, but not day-time talk show young. All that aside, it still doesn't change that I'm going to be in my mid thirties and be a grandfather.... wow that still sounds weird.

We're happy though. She's not married, but she's been with a good guy for the last 3 years and they seem to have been headed down that road anyway. My wife is fucking thrilled. She's always semi-baby crazy and for us that's been a biological impossibility for a while (god bless modern medicine), so this gives her a chance to have a baby... and then give it back. And I look forward to hanging out with the kid and when everyone asks if that's my son I get to drop the bomb on them and watch them squirm.

Plus I get to start wearing those "foxy grandpa" t-shirts. How cool is that?

Posted by robio Sat, 14 Dec 2013 23:26:46 (comments: 31)
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Sun, 15 Dec 2013 03:38:36

Abuelo Robio!

That is great news, I am happy for you guys.

Cranky Kong was the original DK... mind blown.

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 04:44:28
Donkey Kong lineage is a little inconsistent.  The chronology comes from the instruction manuals, but they lack continuity

Manual pages

The DKC manual says Cranky is Donkey Kong's father, DKCR says Cranky's his grandfather, while DK Jr. says Jr is Cranky's son.
 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 05:00:21

Pappy is more commonly used for Grandfather or Grand-Pappy. To me that always meant he was his grandfather. Being the original and Donkey Kong Jr. being --HIS-- son always kinda spelled out the lineage pretty plainly for me, up to our DK today.

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 05:11:39

Which also leaves an unanswered question... WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DONKEY KONG JUNIOR?!

Betcha Mario had his cousin Vito make him "disappear" after that whole botched job of trying to capture his Pop. Mario has a certain image to uphold, capice? He don't want no story of capturing Apes in cages to get around the Mushroom Kingdom or to spoil his Kart Racing career. You know what I'm sayin'?

Could also be that Junior and Pauline ran away together to have some sort of Bestial affair. After Mario dumped her for Peach, I heard she was into all sorts of crazy shit. Falls in love with the son of the ape that captured her in the first place. I heard some of Mario's old Goombas witnessed the two of them together down at the Rainbow Road. Now he goes around stomping the crap out of the whole lot of the poor sons o' bitches keeping them quiet too...

Woo-Hoo, may ass, Mario... you evil, sick bastard!!

Argh!

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 05:14:58

EVIDENCE!

Argh!

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 06:03:21
Yodariquo said:
Donkey Kong lineage is a little inconsistent.  The chronology comes from the instruction manuals, but they lack continuity


...



The DKC manual says Cranky is Donkey Kong's father, DKCR says Cranky's his grandfather, while DK Jr. says Jr is Cranky's son.

The Rare stuff is non-canon anyway. Nyaa

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 12:21:15
Nice news.
 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 13:43:02

Thanks for the kind words guys, and Leo that game description either really excites me or really bothers me. Either way with my luck it would end up being developed for iOS.

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 16:21:14

Cranky is the original DK and he was one mean SOB, even back in the day.

Btw, Rob, my next gas station story includes a family tale worse than yours in terms of trailer park trash.

 
Sun, 15 Dec 2013 22:33:30

Looking forward to reading it Travo.

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