I read this article recentely from a great movie site I visit and it struck a cord with me.


Geeks Vs Loneliness: your problems, and why they matter



Den of Geek said:


Just a quick word for those who feel that, in the scheme of things, their problems have no merit.

We're departing a little from the tone of the first three articles in our Geek Vs Loneliness series this week, to talk about something a little more personal.


Before we do, our usual recap. This series of articles serves two purposes. One, to hopefully pass on a tip or two that may be useful to some, although inevitably not all, people. And secondly, to get us all talking. There's such a disappointing stigma surrounding issues such as depression, loneliness, anxiety and stress, yet so many of us - even hugely successful people - battle such conditions. If you find yourself affected by them, or anything close, then please realise this: you're absolutely not alone. Let the comments from other human beings (for that is what they are!) underneath our articles to datelb_icon1.png be just a small bit of evidence as to that.


One thing we've not said so far, by the way: feel free to lift these Geeks Vs Loneliness articles in their entirety and post them elsewhere. Don't worry about a linkback. Try it on a Statham article though, and trouble will lie ahead.


So then. I wanted to talk this week about problems. Not specific ones, rather the idea that, in the scheme of the world, your problems don't matter. That because some people have things worse than you might, it somehow means that your problems have no place.


Often, I look at things I face, and see that they're insignificant in the grander scheme of things. How, set against terrible things such as famine, war and oppression can something I'm facing actually matter?


It took someone to point the following out to me: it's not a like for like comparison.


There are brilliant things in the world, and there are bad things in the world. You may have 95% of your lifeicon1.png going right, you may have 95% of it going wrong. But if something matters to you, no matter how small it may appear, then don't pretend it doesn't.


Certainly it helps to get things into a sense of perspective. Me feeling down on a day is nothing compared to some. But it doesn't mean that I don't have to deal with it, and it doesn't mean that I don't have to face it. Sometimes, perspective helps me. Sometimes, it makes me feel worse. It doesn't change the fact that, somewhere along the line, I'm facing a problem.


As my colleague so brilliantly put it, "the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you, regardless of its place in the continuum of bad things ever to happen to people". And that’s absolutely true


This series of articles has already touched on one or two tips to help with stress, and to help with problems (links are at the bottom). What I wanted to say in this piece is this: please don't kidicon1.png yourself that you don't matter. Please don't assume that what's getting you down is trivial. Please, and this is so, so much easier to write than do: address what it is. Admit that there's something that needs fixing, and take a step or two to try and do so. There are people with far better advice on this who will add better hints in the comments, I'm sure. But your problems really do matter, and they really do deserve your recognition.


Thanks, as always, for reading.



The comments are similarly interesting and ring true.


"Never devalue your own problems by comparing them to others. 'People go through worse' is an offhand comment meant to put a different perspective on your suffering yet is extremely stigmatising. It's equivalent to a nurse in A&E saying "Yes your arm is broken and causing you extreme pain but that person over there has broken their back and can't move". It doesn't change the fact that you're in extreme pain but manages to make you feel less deserving.


It's bullshit. If you're suffering then seek help, don't let anyone put you down for it"


"Plus there's a mindset that if something worked for one person but not for me then obviously I'm doing it wrong"


"Come up against this lots of times, and you're absolutely on the money. The whole idea of one answer fits all. You're not doing it wrong. The whole idea of a simple fit answer is at fault."


And yes this all relates to my asshole brother.


Posted by gamingeek Sat, 30 May 2015 15:02:44 (comments: 17)
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Sat, 30 May 2015 15:07:55
People who are wilfully ignorant and clueless to someone else's problems and suffering should refrain from commenting negatively on something they know fuck all about. Not only do they come across as malicious and hurtful they also come across as completely mind-bendingly stupid and close minded.

So if I could give some advice to people like this, I would say: If you have no clue what you are talking about then you should just shut your fucking mouth.

End of.  
 
Sat, 30 May 2015 15:17:50

Very good points in that article. Once someone goes down the path of "I dont matter" it becomes dangerous. Even if at times it feels like no one cares about your feelings believe me someone does.

 
Sat, 30 May 2015 15:53:36
The One Size fits all argument is depressingly stupid.

Just because someone else may have gone through worse and recovered, doesn't mean that every single person who has suffered less, should automatically be able to recover, with a click of the finger.

Mindblowing ignorance.
 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:04:15
I would also like to stress a similar sentiment on the opposite end of the spectrum - things that make you happy are never a "waste of time".  There is an enormous focus on wealth and accomplishments and things that people categorize under "ambition" and consider anything outside of that unimportant, and I think it's harmful, living to work instead of working to live.

And for anyone here feeling like any of the things mentioned, or down for whatever reason, you've got a worldly collective here with your back and being glad to be an ear.
 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:33:53
It's rare for people to identify a problem or issue. If you can ruminate enough to get to the truth of it then that's more than half the battle. The next step is learning the correct lesson.

I have not even come close to mastering this.
 
Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:15:40

Guys I think I'm depressed.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to muster the strenght to wake up and get to work every morning. That's partly because I am stuck at a job with a lot of administrative responsibilities that I just hate and that are far, far from the things I prepared myself and studied for - I'm a physician, after all - (remember that movement thing I talked you guys about more than a year ago or so? yeah that never happened because no suitable replacement for me could be found, which is both overwhelmingly shitty and demoralizing), and also because I work in an exceedingly toxic environment. Without going into details, I have people working under me that are constantly destabilizing the workplace environment while doing stuff at my back to undermine me and other members of the staff, going as far as to try (and succeed at it) to remove valuable staff members. Worst part is, I can't do anything to those people because they're protected both by the union and by some pretty powerful NGOs that have lots of influence with the higher ups at the state government.

I presented my resignation again over a month ago or so, mainly because I can't keep doing this anymore and it's started to take its toll on both my physical and mental wellbeing. As of now I'm still stuck here, with no replacement in sight and no willpower to keep doing this anymore. I am aware of the signs and symptoms of clinical depression and as much as I've been trying to fool myself into thinking I'm alright, the thing is...I'm probably not.

 
Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:19:21

I feel for you, Steel.  For the past few years, I've said that it doesn't pay to be competent in my profession.  The incompetent ones are given cushy positions with less responsibilities since no one wants to deal with them.  The competent ones are dealt more burdens and responsibilities.  I see this shit every day.

 
Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:24:01

As always, if anyone is having an issue, feel free to rant, vent, unload if it provides comfort.  I'm sure we are all supportive of each other.

 
Wed, 03 Jun 2015 18:39:46
SteelAttack said:

Guys I think I'm depressed.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to muster the strenght to wake up and get to work every morning. That's partly because I am stuck at a job with a lot of administrative responsibilities that I just hate and that are far, far from the things I prepared myself and studied for - I'm a physician, after all - (remember that movement thing I talked you guys about more than a year ago or so? yeah that never happened because no suitable replacement for me could be found, which is both overwhelmingly shitty and demoralizing), and also because I work in an exceedingly toxic environment. Without going into details, I have people working under me that are constantly destabilizing the workplace environment while doing stuff at my back to undermine me and other members of the staff, going as far as to try (and succeed at it) to remove valuable staff members. Worst part is, I can't do anything to those people because they're protected both by the union and by some pretty powerful NGOs that have lots of influence with the higher ups at the state government.

I presented my resignation again over a month ago or so, mainly because I can't keep doing this anymore and it's started to take its toll on both my physical and mental wellbeing. As of now I'm still stuck here, with no replacement in sight and no willpower to keep doing this anymore. I am aware of the signs and symptoms of clinical depression and as much as I've been trying to fool myself into thinking I'm alright, the thing is...I'm probably not.

Both my parents are in the medical profession and I've heard terrible stories of infighting, rivalry, bullying and excessive workloads. It almost seems like the more experienced you are the more responsibility you are dumped with and the more depressed and overworked you get.

 
Thu, 04 Jun 2015 02:22:31

What happens to you if you leave without a replacement?

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