Over the last few months I've started back up on chess for the first time in about 12 years (seriously, it's been that long?!). But it's not what you'd think.

A big reason I dropped it before was anxiety got overwhelming. In a similar fashion to Ladder Anxiety, I managed to create so much imagined internal pressure that it was overwhelming.

Through past bouts of depression, I never had the chance to address it. Chess being an outlet to generate the shakes like nothing else, it felt like an opportunity to experiment and hopefully find growth.

Playing on an anonymous account got me started.

The creeping into a slightly less anonymous account pushed forward.

And now to progress more, I need to fail on a grander stage in order to accept that trying and failing isn't a personal condemnation.

So I've started streaming on twitch


and uploading the results to youtube


Still fiddling around with things, and still trying to find ways to fit in how the mental side is going as I move along with things and maybe fitting in fun inbetween.

And if you were wondering, I managed to start this just before the world started melting. Definitely the best time to challenge your anxiety. Definitely.
Posted by Ellyoda Tue, 09 Jun 2020 03:55:19 (comments: 4)
Tue, 09 Jun 2020 04:07:25
Wow, there is chess on Twitch? That's a pretty interesting twist/angle that you're taking with your broadcasts. Definitely timely.

I more or less learned to play chess in a bar. I never got really good at it, because I was usually drinking as I played and there's only so much learning you can do after your third pint at 1:00 in the morning. Fun stuff though. May have to check out your channel on occasion.
Tue, 09 Jun 2020 05:30:01
Yeah chess has become a whole thing on twitch, even been seeing non-chess streamers team up with chess streamers to cross-pollinate and such. Not really expecting an audience, but gotta get that exposure therapy.
Tue, 09 Jun 2020 10:03:44

Very cool. Chess is something I wish I'd stuck with, but it only appeals to be me playing people in person.

Tue, 09 Jun 2020 13:10:35
The things that get streamed on twitch kind of surprised me. Traditional tabletop D&D, chess and porn. Well....not porn. That was inevitable.
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