As mechanical and robotic as it gets
| Platform | Presentation |
Controls |
Variety |
Audio |
Depth |
Value & Fun | OVERALL |
| Wii | 4.00 |
4.00 |
2.00 |
5.00 |
5.00 |
0.00 | 2.73 |
| General Information |
Multiplayer Importance: Low
Television set-up: 19" Sylvania CRT, SDTV 480i, composite cables.
|
| Gameplay Description |
|
Spyborgs is a 3D beat 'em up that has you moving from room to room, clearing it of enemies, and moving on.
|
| Dedication Meter |
5.00 |
|
The game has some challenge to adjust to at normal difficulty such that you have to be comfortable with the controls. Still, a very direct and simple, easy to jump into game.
|
| Presentation |
4.00 |
|
Everything in Spyborgs, starting with the presentation, has had every ounce of personality sucked out of it. Poor lighting, hard to see angles, and the most generic character designs you'll ever encounter are the stage for the world's most hollow plotline. There is the occasional ten-second "cinematic" that includes a terrible one-line (if you can call it that) from the lead character, an outburst from your oversized robot friend, and a comforting repetition of the character's name by your female companion. There is nothing here.
|
| Controls |
4.00 |
|
As simple as the game is, the controls still managed to be overcomplicated. A light attack is done by pressing the B trigger, and a strong attack is done by pressing the C button on the nunchuck, and blocking is done using the Z button. For specific moves you purchase using red orbs you collect, you do a combination of multiple buttons in an awkward amalgamation. For example, a dash attack is done by pressing Z+B+Direction -- that's right, block+attack. Meanwhile, movement is made difficult by the camera, which is low to the ground and pulled back, leaving depth-perception problematic. Compounding the issue are the clipping and collision-detection issues that have to getting hit by phantom punches and having your jump blocked by invisible walls above enemies.
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| Variety |
2.00 |
|
The change of scenery, what little there is, is simply that. Level-to-level, there's no difference, you are really playing the same level over and over. There are four enemies you fight throughout the entire game, not counting the couple boss fights. They do have different, stronger versions, but they are the same enemies with the same tactics and you approach them identically. Meanwhile, that one level you're repeating ad nauseum is also not varied all that much itself. There are crates to break, and...that's about it. The combat is simplistic, and that's all you do.
|
| Audio |
5.00 |
|
For what little dialogue there is in the brief cutscenes, admittedly the voice actors do a good job. This props up the underwhelming, uninteresting soundtrack and useless sound effects.
|
| Depth |
5.00 |
|
Spyborgs offers a decent challenge due almost entirely to the number of enemies they throw at you that have no qualms about ganging up and hitting you in the back. The rest of the difficulty is filled in by the poor camera and collision detection issues. If you can get past the controls, there's enough here to at the very least give you a challenge that is doable.
|
| Value & Fun |
0.00 |
The combat is essentially mixing strong and weak attacks, and blocking appropriately. The few additional manoeuvres are occasionally of a little use, but for the most part pointless. Aside from the basic fighting, there are RPG elements that allow you to upgrade your HP, damage, buy those new moves, and recharge your power gauge. The power gauge is used for team attacks, which are powerful attacks that are accomplished through a cut-away to a series of quick-time events (it wouldn't be generic without those!). After a team attack, the game throws you back in the fight without warning and are typically immediately accausted by the enemy.
The four enemies you fight are a small enemy that cheap shots as much as possible, a normal sized enemy that uses physical strikes, a ranged enemy that shoots at you, and a large spider-like robot enemy. The ranged enemies become frustrating, because enemies spawn off-screen, and consequently can appear and shoot you without warning.
And that's it for the entire game. That's really it. There are a couple boss fights that, well, offer nothing.
It's an exceptionally rare and impressive achievement to craft a game that is literally no fun. There is nobody Spyborgs could be recommended to. Wherein perhaps a truly broken mess of a game would be entertainment for those who like that kind of thing, or a flawed game may have some good ideas and fun moments to offer, Spyborgs is completely hollow. Perhaps the most generic game ever made is on top of that incredibly repetitive, lacks any and all charm and has been put to shame in every aspect by a multitude of other titles.
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| Overall |
2.73 |
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Spyborgs is of absolutely no value to anyone.
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Posted by Ellyoda Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:34:03
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*crickets*
I'm not really Pachter damn it!