The Australian Open by Chronological Commentary
I don't understand why they don't just make Federer win by default. Saves us and the players a lot of grunting and emotional baggage after the matches.
Oh and amen Darth
His missus totally fucked up his mojo.
Oh and amen Darth
His missus totally fucked up his mojo.
Meh, so glad murray lost. The UK media treats him like a freaking golden boy.
darthhomer said:In other news, FUCK LLEYTON HEWITT.
It's Bec in disguise! 
selbie said:I don't understand why they don't just make Federer win by default. Saves us and the players a lot of grunting and emotional baggage after the matches.
Oh and amen Darth
But grunting is what tennis is all about!
gamingeek said:Meh, so glad murray lost. The UK media treats him like a freaking golden boy.
Until he loses, then they treat him like a Scot!
Scot said that he would rather have anyone but England win the world cup. Then he expects support?
gamingeek said:Scot said that he would rather have anyone but England win the world cup. Then he expects support?
I'm liking Andy Murray more all the time! 
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Recently Spotted:
*crickets*
The players:
Jim Courier, John Alexander, Roger Rasheed and Todd Woodbridge. Conversations between commentators will begin with the person who is speaking's name.
“There are a lot of talented people without jobs.”
Jim Courier.
“You can have all the talent in the world, but it’s the intangibles that matter.”
Jim Courier.
“Bernard’s got a lot of Tomic—err, talent.”
John Newcombe on the ABC.
“Six months old today and that is a nice ace.”
Jim Courier.
“Well I guess we have to split hairs occasionally.”
Jim Courier.
“Really flew off the racquet of Shahar Pe’er’s new balls.”
Todd Woodbridge.
“He’s an interesting study for a sports psychologist. Tsongas highs and lows are extreme.”
Roger Rasheed.
“No DNA required—that’s an Australian man.”
John Alexander.
“Andy Roddick’s serving at criminal speeds.”
John Alexander.
“Or a caffeinated one. These guys are playing some caffeinated tennis.”
Jim Courier.
“A Perfect combination of patience and aggression…and both men breathing in a lot of oxygen…and his girlfriend is—feeling it!...
“I—I hope that’s his girlfriend, he has a sister as well, so I’m going on the record saying I’m hazarding a guess…
“And just getting confirmation that that is his girlfriend, so phew!”
Jim Courier.
“Free loading bird in the guise of a fan disturbing play.”
Jim Courier.
“And I quote: I’m not going anywhere end quote. Andrew Roddick.”
Jim Courier.
“Lleyton’s saying gotta buy one mate, gotta buy a first serve.”
Jim Courier.
John Alexander: “Well that hurts doesn’t it?’
Jim Courier: “Mmhhmm”
John Alexander: “You’ve gotta try something different but that hurts when a guy threads the needle.”
“Well safe is going to be sorry for Hewitt in this game.”
Courier.
John Alexander: “The sexy judge on my kitchen rules…well let me clarify they say he’s sexy!”
Jim Courier: “I’ll take your word for it!”
“Going so far out of skin that that may mean embarrassment; hitting an untold amount of unforced errors.”
Courier.
“Thinking about the greyness, you know the grey area you’re talking about, and I don’t see any grey here, I see it in black and white.”
Courier.
“Crank it, can’t think cover it”
Courier
“We know he’ll do that—Hewitt’s a battler. It looked like he was battling his feet on that point, was it his knee? I don’t know what that was.”
Courier.
“A donation—an unforced error, gives Federer 15-30”
Courier.
Henri Leconte: “Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! It was a penalty!” giggles uncontrollably.
Umpire: “Ladies and gentleman we appreciate your enthusiasm but calling out during a point usually distracts the players.”
John Alexander: “Good announcement by the umpire, but it’s hard not to get excited. Henry, you’re excited.”
Henri Leconte: “Me? Never!”
“Marin said to himself on the last point that he missed “nay!” make him play.”
Courier.
“That grunt was different to a normal Roddick grunt, that was the grunt of a man in substantial pain laboring to hit that ball at 216k.”
Courier.
“First set, these guys were grinding like they were a bunch of 13 or 14 year olds with these long baseline rallies.”
Courier.
“In a match that would be more like the ok corral on another day was more like a boxing match with two boxers just jabbing at each other without daring to make the knock out blow.”
Courier.
“There’s some tingling in his fingers that should probably indicate some swelling in his shoulder that’s pinching a nerve.”
Courier.
“Barbie time, My Kitchen Rules starts right after the tennis next Monday, and I Know you’re a big fan of the host Fitzie.”’
Courier.
“Give Rafa an inch and he will just rip it from you.”
Courier.
“When you’re feeling like you just might vomit because you can’t go any further remember that you might be playing this guy at some point. He’s your nightmare.”
Courier.
“I don’t think there’s a tremendous amount Rafa can change about his game, I think he just needs to work out how to counter the sneak attacks.”
Courier
“He wants to keep that number 1 ranking for obvious reasons and perhaps some more subtle reasons that you might not notice at home.”
Courier
“Davydenko is a gunslinger from the baseline particularly for a slight guy, there’s a lot of pop on that ball.”
Courier.
“And that first serve looks like he’s trying to shovel the ball over the net. That’s not a loose arm at all.”
Courier.
“He’s breathing like a stream train out there—trying to suck air in.”
John Alexander.
“The amount of sweating that Čilić does is extraordinary.”
John Alexander.
On player fatigue: “You won’t see it on service speeds because players can basically stand there on their death bed and still deliver…” “…but you’ll get murdered in the baseline—the game is that ballistic.”
Courier.
“I still find it fascinating. It seems like Murray’s going to win but we don’t know for sure.”
John Alexander
“This is lights out, goodnight Irene if Čilić gets broken here.”
Courier.
“The mind is willing but I just can’t see those legs carrying him around with the same virility.”
Courier.
“Well it’s quiet but there is a steely reserve beating underneath there.”
Courier.
“She committed a form of suicide by putting the ball where she wouldn’t be able to cover it in that part of the court, geometric suicide.”
John Alexander.
Jim Courier: “Fitzie, what’s the key for Tsonga today do you think?”
John Alexander: “The key for me is how he recovers from the match—there’ some keys for Roger too.”
Jihm Courier: “Watch the racquet head whip—whoosh!”
“What do you mean I’m underestimating him? I’m not underestimating Joe, I feel like you’re accusing me of something!”
Courier.
“Serena says she peaked when she played Sam Stosur and I’m sure everyone who watched it would agree.”
John Alexander.
“I’ve often wondered, where did Desperate Housewives go?... It [Cougar Town] deals with some serious issues too, you know, that are very prevalent today. Divorces, re-partnering, re-partnering, re-partnering; maintaining a relationship with your children under difficult circumstances.”
Alexander.
Todd Woodbridge: “And we must say maybe he could put some sleaves on.”…
John Alexander: “Nothing wrong with a good paddock!”
On Leander Paes.
“Wolf Blass trivia time which is something Tracey enjoyed but she’s headed back to Cougar Town.”
Alexander.
“Todd, you answered that trivia question so quickly we’ve had a few calls asking us what happened in the final episode of Lost.” …. “And don’t tell us who won My Kitchen Rules!~”
John Alexander.
“Quite tall Jaroslav Levinsky and with a sizeable wing span,”
Woodbridge.
Todd Woodbridge: “I am going to be perched up in my chair enjoying every moment of it [My Kitchen Rules].”…
John Alexander: “And saying to your wife I know who won it but I’m not going to tell you!”
“Well this could spark him, and he verbalized again.”
John Alexander on Murray.
“Well if you can read body language, yep, there’s a slight change happening as we speak”
Alexander.
There’s no way he’s going to beat him if the trend continues—he needs to open his shoulders
Alexander.
“Well well well! Mister momentum changes his address.”
Jim Courier.
“Exactly, to win this match he needs to gobble up those opportunities, make him pay.”
Courier.
“That’s what Federer does to you—makes you drag that toe.”
Courier.
“That looked like the shot of a man with Great Britain on his back.”
Courier.
“Murray choosing forehand on this shot and doesn’t get through it—short arms it”
Courier..
“They’ll l switch sides—nine all—oh the energy in the building right now!”
Courier.
“Oh my goodness that is just abusive!”
Courier.