That giant testicle behind him isn't even shaved.

I was flicking channels and stumbled across 300. It was a little
surprising to see a film graphically depicting sex acts on so early in the
night, but just to make sure that this was the case I continued watching. I was
right. 300 tells the story of the famous homosexual orgy involving some three
hundred Spartan men and several thousand Persian men.

The main character, Leonidas, however is not a homosexual like his
comrades, and while they willingly rub their bodies against one another and
groan in orgasmic delight as they are penetrated harshly yet pleasurably by
long, thick spear-like dildos, he tries to avoid all recepticacle sexual
contact by proactively seeking out men to penetrate so that he may not be.

Indeed in one scene he goes as far as to ejaculate with force in the
direction of another man�s face which is a fine distraction as many men
currently in the throws of homosexual sexual intercourse look up to watch as the
pleased Persian rubs Leonidas� bodily fluids into his face and across his lips
with relish.

However, the man (Xerxes) begins to grow angry when Leonidas does not
let him return the favour and goes on a personal vendetta to make sure that
Leonidas does not
survive the orgy as a completely selfish lover.

As Leonidas continues thrashing forward with force for as long as he can
he begins to find it becoming too much for him. His physical arousal begins to
slip into his psychology and he starts to see his female wife lying about
alluringly and he
fantasises that
it is she he is stabbing.

The only woman in the film; well clothed so as not to gross people out.

This provides him with a little solace as he must continue to have sex
with those that he would rather not, but it is also what results in his
ultimate downfall. Just as he reaches another climax he is distracted as he
pictures his wife nude in all her feminine beauty, and can do nothing to avoid
the thousands of penises that rain down from above, squiring him like a kebab.

Despite all this and the themes of peer pressure it�s still fair to say
that for pornography 300�s plot*, dialogue, and acting is a little below par,
though I will admit that while a little
gratuitous the naked men dripping with the best Spartan
olive oil thrusting and groaning with just the right amount of sexuality more
than makes up for it.

Score: 2/5 minutes to ejaculation.

*Of course I didn�t watch the whole thing so I�m not entirely sure about
that, but nobody watches pornography until the end except for women. And I don�t
think Leonidas was going to get married�he was already married!

This one's just tacked on for your enjoyment.

Posted by Foolz Mon, 30 Nov 2009 06:54:12 (comments: 6)
Mon, 30 Nov 2009 07:27:45
That was very Foolzish.
Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:01:19
Having not seen the film I'll adopt this review as the definitive summation.
Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:12:54
Having seen this film, I'll say that this review is the definitive summation.
Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:57:41

That film was like watching a 360 game, uber violence, HD visuals and shit loads of bloom.
Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:22:46
So I'm assuming by the title of the blog you were modded for this one?
Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:20:20
Yup, 3 day suspension.
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