No, I'm not talking about a woman's rack at the age of 50, I'm talking about 8 Bit NES games. So many of those games seemed like masterpieces when we first played them, but how kind has Father Time been to them now that 20 to 30 years has passed since they came out? I don't think many people will argue that the majority of them have aged as gracefully as your average pornstar's meat curtains. Still there are some gems out there. The Super Mario games really seem to have stood the test of time, as well as the Legend of Zelda and a few other high profile games. But what about the others? What about those games that didn't get a dozen sequels over the years and have faded away from our immediate recollection?

So I've decided to go panning for gold this summer, and have chosen 100 NES games. I will play them until either I've finished them, I'm not longer having fun, or I've decided that the particular game sucks donkey ass and will not be getting any better no matter how much time I put into it.

Basically I've got a lot of time on my hands this summer and not enough to fill it with.

Posted by robio Sun, 31 May 2015 01:09:00 (comments: 57)
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Sun, 31 May 2015 01:12:37

I hope you play Total Recall first!

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:21:36
In my experience. Very rarely can you "go home" when it comes to games.
 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:23:00

#1. Kung-Fu - The Quick Verdict: It's still good.

Kung-Fu was one of the first generation NES games and wasn't much more complex than any of those other early games. Your character walks across 5 floors of a dojo. He is a master of Kung-Fu as he knows two moves. A punch and a kick. He can execute them while standing, crotching, or jumping for a total of 6 different attacks. He fights off various minions as he walks to the end where he eventually fights a boss. If he wins, he climbs the stairs to the next floor. If he loses he gets laughed at, by a really creepy digitized laugh. And if he beats the 5th boss, he gets to rescue his girlfriend. And then you do it again and again and again. Like I said, it's a pretty basic game.

But you know what?  While it is basic, the game really mastered those basic features. The moves are simple, but controls are very responsive. The character sprites are all large and easy identifiable. The boss fights feel unique and take a bit of study before you can beat them. It's all simple fundamentals, but it's good. When I played through I made it to Mr. X (the 5th and final boss), and while I wasn't able to beat him I was happy to replay the game and give it another shot. It won't blow anyone away, but it's good simple fun. Kung-Fu holds up people!

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:25:54
travo said:

I hope you play Total Recall first!

Nope. But you can see what was first.

aspro said:
In my experience. Very rarely can you "go home" when it comes to games.

I've been prepping this for a few days and have gone through about 8 games so far. It's a mix of games I used to like, games I never played but wanted to, and games I never even heard of. So far it hasn't been an wholey unpleasant experience. I've gone in knowing full well that these games are going to be rough (and they are), but I'm actually finding a few that aren't too bad.

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:30:21
Kung fu would hold up. It is basic enough to endure. I'll play it today.
 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:42:59

#2. Fester's Quest - The Quick Verdict - Not so good

When I first found this game many many years ago I was confused as hell as to why it existed. The Addams Family movie hadn't come out yet, and by the late 80's reruns of the old 60's TV show were very difficult to find anywhere on TV. The closest thing to relevancy the Addam's Family had was guest starring on Scooby-Doo in the 70's. And a game about it featuring Fester as the main characters? It would be like someone deciding that we need a Married with Children video game, and they made Jefferson the main character (apologies to anyone who doesn't understand that reference but for those of you who do get it, I know you're nodding your head in agreement). I'll just say that it was odd, but I kind of liked it back then, but god it was hard.

Anyway that was then and this is now and the game has not gotten any easier. The basic combat controls are fine, and leveling up your gun is pretty simple, but it's easy to take damage and there are swarms of monsters. And when you die (and you will often) the game gets fucking unforgiving as hell. There are unlimited continues, but start-points are few and far inbetween. If you don't make serious progress you get pushed back really far. Boss battles are insanely difficult too. I had to save and cheat a lot to progress in this game, and even with cheating I still can barely make any progress. The one item in the game that's a genuine equalizer is a whip that Morticia gives you and you can use it in place of your gun. Unfortunately you have to get over halfway through the game to get it, and that's a herculean task.

So the game isn't as bad as I thought it would be. There's a nice idea here, and parts of it do in fact hold up today, but not enough to make it fun. Totally doesn't hold up, but you can argue that it didn't hold up when it was new.

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:44:45

Kung Fu was so short but I never noticed back in the day because I played it over and over again.

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:57:12

#3. Ghosts 'N Goblins - Quick Verdict: No... just fuck no

Back in the day Ghosts 'n Goblins was the game that separated the men from the boys. Well that's not fair to say. I only knew one person on the planet who was able to complete it without cheating, and I don't even know if he was able to get the real ending by beating it twice. All I know is that the game was hard. I wasn't good at it then, but I could usually make it to the halfway point around level 4 or 5 before I died. Today, I'm even worse.

I tried. Seriously I tried a lot. Do you know how many times I got to the Red Devil and died? For 15 minutes I'd play, get to the Red Devil and die over and over and over. For anyone who says the Souls games are hard, I say go fuck you mother. THIS is what hard is. I had to quit. I barely made it into the second level. The game just got too mind bendingly tough for me. I have no idea how anyone ever beat this game. What I do know is that I cannot.

As to whether or not this game hold ups, I honestly don't know. All I know is that it's hard. If you're looking for a game that's next to impossible go ahead I guess it's held up. It seems unfair as hell, but some masochists like that I suppose. Any decent god fearing person should avoid it though. I say stay away from it. In the same way that modern man is no longer able to hunt a giant ferocious monsters with sticks, we are no longer able to beat Ghosts 'n Goblins.

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 01:59:04

I miss the old Capcom box art.

 
Sun, 31 May 2015 02:02:52

Old Capcom and old Konami box art was great. It was a nice easy way to identify the quality that you knew you'd get from those companies. Sadly, there's no need for that today..

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