Imagine a 4-year old DVader, snuggling under his covers in his footie pajamas as his mom reads him his favorite bedtime story…

“Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a young girl by the name of Little Red Riding Hood.

She was known throughout the countryside as the brave young lass who saved her granny from the clutches of the Big Bad Wolf.

Due to a pending criminal investigation, surrounding the murder of said Mr. Bad Wolf and an order of protection served against the Riding Hood family, Red’s Granny was forced to move even deeper into the woods where her original cabin once stood.

Red, being the responsible young lady she was, still brought her granny her meals each and every day, braving the creature filled forest…

It was on one of her routine trips that our new tale begins…

Skipping along a well worn path, Red pauses at the sound of rustling coming from nearby, overgrown brush. “Who’s there?” asks Red.

“No one but us cute little chipmunks!” answers a mysterious voice.

Approaching a bush and lifting her nose: “Then what is that putrid smell? “ inquires Red.

“Ah. An observant one, aren’t we?” mocks the hidden voice.

“Show yourself!” commands Red.

At that very moment, a green skinned Zombie leaps out from under the bush, landing directly in Red’s path!

“My, what a big head and sharp teeth you have, Mr. Zombie!” exclaims Red.

“The better to gnaw off your skullcap and chew up your brains with, My Dear!” replies Mr. Zombie.

“Not this shit again…” sighs Red.

In one swift motion, Red pulls a Double Barrel Shotgun out of her picnic basket, loads it, cocks it and aims it directly at the head of a very surprised Mr. Zombie!

“Ha! An innocent girl like you wouldn…”

**KERPLOW** resounds the shotgun! “Wouldn’t my ASS, mutha-fucka!” proclaims Red as she messily separates Mr. Zombie’s head from his rotted shoulders.

Kneeling down by the remains and prodding the decapitated head of the now doubly-dead Mr. Zombie with the business end of her shotgun, Red defiantly stares into his eyes and simply says: “NO ONE gets between me and my Granny! Back to Hell with you, Douche-Bag!”

…and then happily proceeds on her way.”

(To Be Continued…)