I've been far too positive lately. So in that spirit I've decided to make a list of games I hate. Games that in my mind completely and utterly suck. Now to clarify I'm not going to list games that were never meant to be anything other than functional at best. I'm here to talk about games that were meant to be good. And some people do think they're good (they're wrong). Maybe you're one of these people (and once again I want to emphasize you're wrong). But this is my list so fuck off.
So for the month of February I'm going to give you my list. One new game a day. Look forward to it and feel the hate flowing within you. And here it is in no particular order:
- Faxanadu
- Castlevania: Lords of Shadow
- Tao's Adventure: Curse of the Demon Seal
- Pac-Man (Atari 2600)
- Dr. Franken
- Torin's Passage
- Blues Brothers (SNES)
- Limbo
- X-Men (Sega Genesis)
- Harvest Moon: My Little Shop
- Child of Eden
- Herdy Gerdy
- Final Fantasy X
- Actraiser 2
- SaGa Frontier 2
- Children of Mana
- Assassin's Creed
- Burger Time: World Tour
- The Acceleration of Suguri X
- Spyro the Dragon: Enter the Dragonfly
- Impossible Mission (Atari 7800)
- The Sims
- Double Dragon (NES)
- Rhythm Heaven
- Dragon Quest Monsters: Caravan Heart
- Street Fighter
- Captain Comic (NES)
- Journey
Recently Spotted:
*crickets*
The easy bits are fun, but then the game ramps up in difficulty and it becomes a drag.
I hate to say it, but the game ramped up in difficulty to me around the 3rd or 4th level. I sucked ass at RH.
That's pretty much where I left it. Granted, I lost the cart, but I had hit a brick wall a bit before that. So I didn't mourn the loss of the game too much.
I hit a brick wall with that game.
No seriously, I picked up that game and threw it into a brick wall.
#25 Dragon Quest Monsters: Caravan Heart
When DQM: Caravan Heart did not get translated for Western audiences I was highly disappointed. I was a big fan of the Dragon Quest spin-off series (highly superior to Pokemon for those who are interested), and since the previous two (or three depending how you look at it) installments came out, it was odd that this one didn't. Years later a group of translators and hackers got together and released an unofficial translation. GREAT SUCCESS!?!?! No, not really. This game was a reminder that sometimes when games don't leave Japan, there's a good reason. This was a bad game. To its credit, it tried to be pretty innovative with a new battle system that was more strategy game than traditionl jRPG or monster training game. Not all innovations are good though, and this one flat out stank. 10 years of hype, and the pay-off was a pile of crap. Lesson learned, but I still hate it.
26. Street Fighter
I've told the story before, but I'm telling it again. The first time I tried to play Street Fighter II in the arcade, the line who huge and I knew I'd never get the chance. Off in the corner I saw Street Fighter 1 though, and I figured "how different could it be?" Quite different. It also had punching pads that you had to hit instead of regular buttons. One of the pads was ripped off with metal prongs exposed. Anyway as I played I managed to rip my hand open pretty nicely. Street Fighter is one of two games that made me actually bleed, so for that I hate it.
Naaww son. I made other people bleed because of Mario Party.
The other was actually my favorite pinball game, Tales of Arabian Nights. I was gripped the edges too hard, and was digging my thumbs into an edge and sliced one of them open pretty badly.
27. Captain Comic (NES)
Captain Comic was an unlicensed game for the NES. At the time though I didn't know that. Hell, I didn't even know what that meant. All I knew is that when I saw this game for rent at Blockbuster Video, I had to try it out. Why do you ask? Because of this:
Because it didn't have the Nintendo Seal of Approval, it wasn't shipped in the standard gray case. Instead it was this curvy baby blue case. To me, that just meant the game was special. Turns out it was more short-bus special than anything else. The game was unplayable. The only thing I could figure out how to do was jump around and die. I curse myself for spending the $3 to rent this, and I wish horrible things on the makers of it (Christian game developer Color Dreams) for making it so appealing looking.