Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon
| Platform | OVERALL |
|---|---|
| Xbox 360 | 8.30 |
| Overall | 8.30 |
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My name is Rex Power Colt and I am here to tell you about a game so badass that if your grandmother played it she would grow balls, hairy ones. I am a Mark IV cyber soldier from the future, a future where the apocalypse had an apocalypse. My mission, to stop my former mentor from harnessing the power of the blood dragons and prevent him from destroying the world, well whats left of the world. You will get a chance to see what its like to be a fuck awesome cyber soldier. I can do things like sprint indefinitely and land safely from any height. I have the most state of the art weaponry, shit that will melt a man's dick right off. Stuff like laser guns, that Robocop pistol and a bow... wait what the fuck a bow? Why the fuck do I have a bow, I'm not a fucking elf. I can also do all sorts of awesome stealth kills... what? There is a game that plays exactly like mine? What the fuck, I mean come on I'm too awesome to be replicated. Who is the star of this other game, a Terminator ... A douchebag 20 something mountain dew drinking shit head????!?!?!? What brain dead dipshit thought that was a good idea? Ok so my game might play exactly like that other one but trust me, being Rex Colt makes everything better. Plus my game has Blood Dragons all over the world. They are like T-Rexs that shoot fucking lasers out of its eyes! I kill them for sport. But by far the best reason to play this is cause it is just like one of the many awesome 80s sci-fi movies you watched as a kid. It's got references, its got the FUCKING BEST 80s SYNC POP SOUNDTRACK EVER, its got a montage with a cheesy ass 80s song playing. It even has tits, NES graphic tits. You like tits right, so fucking play this. Imagine if the Terminator, Predator, Robocop, Rambo, Escape from NY and GI Joe had an orgy; this game is the baby. Speaking of Terminator you know that guy Michael Biehn, isn't he fucking awesome, the world needs more Biehn. I also happen to be hilarious, I went to the 80s school of one liners. After I kill someone I say stuff like "It's your bedtime and the blanket is six feet of my shit" See my education was good for something. I make fun of all the stupid ass shit you see in games that make no sense. Some may say my game is repetitive and short. Ok yeah, most of the side quests are the same crap you did in Far Cry 3. But come on, what about you? Your life is even more repetitive and boring than mine. You wake up, go to work, come home, ignore your significant other as you you play a game starring me. Would I play a game starring you, hell fuck no. So you can do some extra boring shit, so what; the main missions will make your dick hard and that is what is important. The final mission is so fucking awesome that your shit will shit. So play my game, trust me it is much better than playing as some self entitled dick wad saving his shitty friends. If you love the 80s you will love this game. Plus my game is cheaper than a crack whore and it won't leave you with some dick infection. |
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Posted by Dvader Tue, 14 May 2013 03:07:55
Recently Spotted:
*crickets*
BTW how does this relate to FC3? I'm not sure I get it.
It is FC3 with new skin. It plays practically the exact same way. Its the same kind of environment (new layout), same side missions but again all with a new skin, new music, new story. The additions are the dragons and the few new skills Rex has which is stuff like super fast running and super jumps. The main missions are fantastic as well but there are only 7 of them.